Infested

I'm usually pretty healthy -- I don't catch colds and flus very often.  In fact, I think the last time I had the flu was 15 years ago.  

That was before I had a 5-month old living with me.

I was warned.  I was told that I would start getting all kinds of lovely diseases.  I scoffed at the idea - surely I'd be able to fend these illnesses off.  

The Wee One caught her first cold around Halloween. Although she remained in a perfectly pleasant mood, she was pretty pathetic -- sneezing and snorting and coughing and sniffling.  I took her to the doctor, who said she just had a cold.

The next thing I knew, I had caught her cold.  I was snorting and coughing and sniffling.  Ick!

Then The Wee One's eyes started oozing a greenish discharge.  They were matted shut one morning so  I called the doctor and they said to bring her in.

This time, she had the dreaded pink eye in both eyes and a double ear infection.  The doctor warned me that pink eye was very contagious. Again, I scoffed,  I hadn't had pink eye since elementary school. 

Two days later, my eye was oozing.  I had caught the dreaded pink eye on top of my cold.

I even missed work. I ended up working from home two days so I could keep the Wee One out of daycare AND I took an actual sick day.  

It took me about two weeks to get over this nasty cold and I'm still treating my pink eye.  It sucks!.

Of course, my husband did not catch it.  He's the only healthy one in the house!

And of course, this has wreaked havoc on my weight loss since I have felt like complete and utter crap.  I gained 1 lb last week.  :(

Weigh-In #1

So I made it through my first week of Weight Watchers...and I actually stuck to the plan this time. Usually I just attend the meetings and hope to eventually lose weight through osmosis or something.

I think the number I saw on the scale - a number I  never want to see again - made me work extra hard.

Except it didn't feel like was working extra hard. Of course, it helps that I get a ton of points - partly because I am fat and partly because I am breastfeeding.  I had fast food twice this past week and my husband brought home soup in a bread bowl from Panera. (It was a bowl of bread - I was powerless to resist.) Yet I still managed to stay within my points.

Here are some things that worked for me:

•baked eggs in a muffin pan in the oven to make Pinterest perfect hard-boiled eggs, which were an easy low-point snack!

•made kale chips

•microwaved a spaghetti squash and covered it with healthy homemade bolognese sauce (ok, it was really cooked ground turkey in a jar of store bought sauce)

•baked an orange creamsicle poke cake using diet orange soda instead of eggs and sugar-free pudding instead of regular

•crafted a healthy pizza using FlatOut's artisan pizza flatbreads

•had Johnsonville cheddar turkey sausages on hand for an easy lunch or dinner

And it paid off - I lost an incredible 8.4 lbs!  That's right...8.4 lbs. I still can't believe it - I feel like dancing a jig!

A plethora of firsts

Wee One is going through an exciting series of firsts -- all at the same time:

 

• First teeth

• First cold

• First pink eye -  in both eyes!

• First ear infection - in both ears!

In addition to all that, she gave me her nasty cold. And, for bonus excitement, every time I cough it wakes her up. 

This is why I am rocking her at 1:30 am.  Good times!

I would sleep in another room, but I'm afraid my deep sleeping husband won't hear her when she wakes up to eat. And if I'm not in the same room, who is going to check 500 times a night to make sure she's breathing?

Those are some important duties!

I can handle the cold, If I get pink eye, however...THAT would be embarrassing.

Guess what else the baby finds funny

Poop!

More specifically, the kind of poop that causes a rock, paper, scissors marathon in my house.  "Wait, wait - best out of 3!"

I knew it was going to be bad when I heard the explosion all the way in our kitchen.  When I walked in the living room, my husband said,"I think she might need changed."  Understatement of the year.

I'll spare you the gory details but suffice to say, she needed a bath.

However, the whole situation gave her the giggles. She chuckled as I was changing her. She chortled as I walked her naked self to the bathroom. 

As I put her in the tub, she was practically guffawing. She was laughing so hard her stomach was shaking.

I have to say, as gross as the diaper was, baby giggles more than make up for it!

Maybe I should be concerned

Sanctimommies are everywhere:

• "I would never give my baby formula."
• "If you use drugs during delivery, you'll dope up your baby.  Your body can handle the pain."
• "No TV for two years or your baby will be autistic or have ADHD or be an idiot."
• "Only eat organic food or your baby will be autistic or have ADHD or be an idiot."

Since I have broken every single one of those rules, I think I need to stop visiting the internet.  It stresses me out.  Let's take TV for example.

For the first few months, I tried really hard to keep The Wee One away from TV, but I swear it was like a magnet.  No matter where she was in the room, she would crane her head to look at the TV.  And yes, maybe we could have opted not to watch TV, but we like it so no.

At her 4 month appointment, I asked the pediatrician about it, fully expecting to get a Judgy McJudgerson sort of lecture. Instead, he looked at me like I was an idiot and said of course babies can watch TV.  As long as she's not plopped in front of it for hours, she would be perfectly fine.  He said she was just looking at the lights and it was just background noise to her, much like the radio would be for us. He even said she might enjoy kiddie tv because of the songs.

It was a huge weight off my shoulders!  We even tried some kiddie TV.  (And let me tell you...that Caillou is a whiny brat.)

Last night we were watching Percy Jackson and the Sea of Monsters.  Not a horrific choice, but definitely no Elmo.

The Wee One was rolling around on a playmat -- and of course, craning her head to look at the TV.    All of a sudden, she started cracking up.  She giggled for about 5 minutes at the TV. 

So my 4-month-old not only watches TV - but she finds Percy Jackson to be hilarious.

Good times.

Eeek

So I realize that I recently had a baby and all, but it sucks that I can no longer fit in my pants. Plus, since I'm breastfeeding, I have the added bonus of looking like a porn star in all of my shirts.

Nothing says 'professional lady' like having your shirt buttons pop open in the middle of a meeting. And occasionally, I catch men on the streets giving me a creepy look as I walk the two blocks to my office.  This usually means some sort of flesh has been exposed as a result of  my too-tight clothes.

So I signed up for Weight Watchers. I tried signing up in September, but I could never make my Saturday morning meetings. Either the baby was crying or I was sleeping after being up all night or my husband was running a long distance and I needed to watch the baby.   I tried bringing the baby once but everyone kept turning around to make faces at her or they stared at me every time she made a noise. Not a good experience for one who doesn't enjoy being the center of attention. 

I think Weight Watcher Wednesdays is going to do the trick! I'll go after work -it's on the way home so I have no excuses. And based on the number I saw on the scale tonight, I absolutely need to make sure my giant arse is planted in that chair every week.

I think I'm going to use this blog to track my efforts - it gives me a record of what I've done, plus it adds another layer of accountability.

So stay tuned - a new butt is coming!

I'm back...maybe

After a ridiculously long hiatus, I think I'm back.

Sorry I was gone so long,,.I was busy making this:

Over the past two years, we went through fertility treatments, which made me sad.

We bought a house, which made me happy.

And I got knocked up as a result of said fertility treatments, which made me ecstatic and petrified all at the same time.

I considered writing during my pregnancy, but decided I wanted to privately enjoy all the feelings and emotions that came with it. And it's a good thing too because those hormones made me batshit crazy.

So now the Wee One is 4 months old.  I'm fat, exhausted, and completely overwhelmed by balancing motherhood, wifehood, friendhood and my crazy job.  But I'm happy.

We'll see how much blogging I actually manage to do, but I'm going to give it the old college middle-aged try!

Bizarro Eljabo

Last night I had the strangest dream.  (And yes, I realize I'm happily married, but it's impossible to control what you dream.  If you could, I would be murdered far less frequently.)

Anyway, I dreamed I went out on a date with a guy and he didn't call me again afterward. I was so upset, I broke into his house and played his answering machine messages. (Not sure why he still had an answering machine.)  I heard a message from another girl who was inviting him to her place to "cuddle." And of course, he walked in on me playing his answering machine messages.  Embarrassing!

The weird part was that when I woke up, I recognized the name of the guy. It was a boy I went to elementary school with when I lived in Maine. Certainly not anyone I am still in contact with and not even one of the boys I had a crush on. (Jeremy DaRos, I'm looking at you!)

So then I got to thinking, what if that guy would have been my beau had I stayed in Maine?  Maybe instead of having a dream, I was actually getting a glimpse into an alternate reality.

Then again, another option is that I have watched way too many episodes of Fringe in my lifetime. It may have had an effect on my brain.

I think I'm in love

My parents got me a spiral vegetable slicer for Christmas.  It's the Paderno World Cuisine Tri-Blade Plastic Spiral Vegetable Slicer.  (It was on my list - it wasn't an unwanted slicer by any stretch of the imagination.)

I finally used it for the first time and absolutely loved it.  I used it on zucchini to make spaghetti-like noodles.  I sauteed the "noodles" in olive oil with salt, pepper and garlic powder.  Afterward, I topped it with spaghetti sauce, turkey meatballs and Parmesan cheese.

I'm dying to use it again. The zucchini would make a fantastic side dish.  I could make curly fries out of potatoes.  I know a pretty curly, carrot salad is somewhere in my future. The possibilities are endless!

Here's my creation -- fabulous, right?

New way of life = bueno!

I had my second weigh-in at Weight Watchers and did much better -- I lost 1.6 lbs!  My saving grace was Teriyaki Turkey Burritos.  They were only 6 weight watchers points (for one) and I happily ate them for lunch for most of the week.

I think the most frustrating thing is when you're standing on the scales and you see your weight increase because you shifted positions slightly. I kept trying to shift it back before the lady officially recorded my weight, but it didn't work out for me.

Still, I was happy and my cousin had a great first week too. It's really helpful to have someone there with me. I'm more motivated to go and I'm more motivated to stick to the program because I don't want to be embarrassed at the meeting.

Tonight my husband and I are going to Ruth's Chris Steakhouse as part of Restaurant Week Columbus. I am SO excited.  I've never been there before and it sounds amazing!  Although I don't know why the restaurant has two first names.  Maybe it's from West Virginia?

My Sheer & Utter Geekdom

Over the holidays, Mr. Eljabo and I tried watching the first season of HBO's Game of Thrones.  I made it through part of one episode, but found it to be muy confusing.

Still, I kept hearing good things about it, and I like to be in the know, so I decided to read the book, which is about a million pages long.  For the first few chapters, I had to keep looking up family trees and maps online. I couldn't keep anything straight.

Once I got everyone straightened out, I really enjoyed the book.  Minus the incest and rape scenes. (Even though I grew up in West Virginia, I am not pro brother-sister love.)  Most surprisingly, I liked the battle scenes.  When I read the Lord of the Rings trilogy, I skimmed most of the battles.  I found the battles in this book interesting.

I'm still not 100% sure who I should be rooting for.  I like Tyrion, Daenrys, Jon and Arya the best, but I'm pretty sure I should be hating a couple of them.

My husband and I have just started watching season 1 again.  I've made it through two episodes and love it because I can tell him exactly what's going on.  I feel really smart.  Although Jules' description of the show on Cougartown was pretty apt:  there IS a lot of butt sex.

Front Row Seats are Not My Thang

Last night, I experienced one of my worst nightmares. I had to sit in the front row of a comedy club.

It happened to me once in college. I was a shy 20-something fat girl and the comedian kept making fun of my umbrella.  He referred to it as an elephant's diaphragm.  I was mortified.

Since then I only go to comedy shows if I genuinely love the comedian and I absolutely adore comedian John Heffron. I think he's hilarious. I watched him on Last Comic Standing many years ago and I've seen him do stand-up twice.

When I found out he was going to be at the Columbus Funny Bone this past weekend, I was pumped.  We opted for the 9:45 p.m. show last night (the other option was 11:30 p.m. on Saturday.)

When the waitress sat us in our front-row seats, I was horrified.  And although I laughed plenty, I was so worried about drawing attention to myself, I was on guard for the whole show.

I also learned that my husband doubts my funniness gauge.  We ran into two of our friends leaving the 7:30 show.  I asked how the show was and they said it was hilarious.

A few minutes later, my husband says, "Well if Angela says it's hilarious, I know it's going to be good."  I stared at him and said, "I told you it's going to be good and I'm your wife.  Shouldn't you trust my opinion?"

He thinks about it for a second and says, "You thought the Chipmunks movie was funny."

I'm sorry, but I stand by that one.  The first Chipmunks movie was hilarious.  (The second one, not so much.)

I Think I'm Back

Yeah - I admit it.  I've been a crappy blogger.

I apologize for the long-time-no-posting.  I've been dealing with a personal medical issue that consumed the majority of my energy in 2012. Although I've been seeing a doctor, I had a ridiculous thought that if I just stayed silent about it, it would eventually resolve itself and I wouldn't have to tell anybody.  Unfortunately, that hasn't been the case yet, but I'm still hopeful that it eventually will be resolved.

I'm still not really ready to share the details here yet.  I've tried to write about it several times, but every time I try, I chicken out.  It's just such a personal issue and already takes so much of my energy, I hate to give it any more. And my absolute least favorite thing is when I mention it to one of my friends and they instantly start using a pitying tone of voice with me. I'd hate to think about people reading this blog and thinking "poor Eljabo."

The truth of the matter is, I'm fine.  I'm not dying.  I have a wonderful husband, terrific family and/friends and an enjoyable (on most days) job.  Plus, my two cats are way adorable.

So my new year's resolutions for 2013 are to:

• Focus my attention on the things that truly are important
• Spend more time with the people I care about
• Get in better shape so I don't look like a giant hog in a bridesmaid dress (I'm in my cousin's wedding this October and my brother's wedding in spring 2014)
• Take better care of this blog.  I've been writing here for a long time and would hate to give it up  after so many years.

So check back, I'm sure I will have some profound things to write about this year!

The Greatest Television Moment of All Time

If you haven't seen last week's Parks and Recreation, go away now.  I'll admit it -- I cried like a baby during this scene.  And I've since watched this clip about 500 million times.

My husband turned and looked at me in shock and he said, "You do know this is a comedy, right?" I nodded my head meekly as black streams of mascara ran down my face.

I just  think Parks and Recreation is pretty much the best show on earth. It's hilarious -- and it's streaming on Netflix.  Do yourself a favor and invest some time in it.  It's slow to start -- the first season isn't the best.  The second season is where the magic begins.

Personally, I like to think if I knew Amy Pohler in real life, we would be best friends.  (I feel the same way about Tina Fey).  And if I wasn't married to my husband and if Adam Scott wasn't married to his wife, I like to think that we would be married to each other.

Let me have my imaginings.

A Night of Culinary Firsts

I'm doing Weight Watchers for the umpteenth time now.  The only difference this time is that I've actually stuck with it for more than a few days.

The first week I lost 3.6.  Last week I maintained, but I don't think it was a real maintain.  I think I was just puffy.

The thing I'm doing differently this time is making sure I eat carbs and proteins together.  And, I'm trying to not be as carb-dependent as I normally am.  It's helping -- I'm not craving sweets and starches as much as I normally am.  In fact, last night we went to Thurman's Cafe for dinner, where they serve 3/4 lb hamburgers.  They forgot to give me the potato chips that came with my meal and I didn't say a peep.  And I just ate half of my burger -- it was plenty!

I bought two new Weight Watchers cookbooks to help me along the way.  The first was Fruits and Veggies: A to Z, because I need to expand my veggie repertoire.  I also got Tastier than Takeout, which features a bunch of foods from around the world.

Tonight was Italian -- Rosemary Chicken in Balsamic-Tomato Sauce.  It was sauteed chicken cutlet with a sauce made of cherry tomatoes, balsamic vinegar, onions, garlic, chicken broth and rosemary.  Very tasty and only 4 WWP.

I also tried steaming artichokes for the first time (from my veggie book.)  Simon took one look at his plate and exclaimed in horror, "What is this?"  Then he watched me eat it.  Eating artichokes is kind of difficult, so I had undoubtedly had a puzzled look on my face  (I already have a problem with faces.)  He then says, "I'm not eating that."

I didn't think it was so bad.  I dipped the leaves in a butter-lemon sauce.  I think I over-steamed though -- it was a little too tender.  And I couldn't figure out what the heck was going on in the middle of the thing.

Tomorrow I'm making Drumsticks with Sesame and Ginger. You can't buy skinless chicken legs around here, so I had to take the skin off.  It was totally gross, but luckily it didn't take too long.  I'm not sure I got all the skin, but I guess I won't die if I eat a couple of specks.

A Rookie Mistake

Apparently, I shouldn't have waited five months between BodyPump classes. I worked out on Sunday and am so incredibly sore right now.

In fact, I briefly contemplated falling down the stairs this morning because I thought it would be less painful than walking down.

Maybe I should bathe in a vat of Ben-Gay.

My Christmas: Fall Television Premieres

I'm obsessed with new television programs.  I've had my list made up for weeks -- all highlighted so I can easily program my DVR. Sadly, the first few available shows have been returning TV shows, but I've still enjoyed them.  America's Next Top Model is completely full of train wrecks, my favorite!  And I have a crush on Blake Shelton and Adam Levine, so The Voice is good too.

Unfortunately, the first brand-new show I tried, Go On, was not that great.  I've decided that I just don't enjoy watching Matthew Perry.  I was never super crazy about Friends.  And I haven't been keen on his other shows that lasted about five seconds. In fact, the only thing I have ever liked Matthew Perry in is Dance Til' Dawn -- a made for TV movie from the 80s.  (Image from that movie is to the right.)

This show is yet another one of those comedies that tries to be too clever for its own good.  It just fell flat and the cast didn't have a lot of chemistry.

Oh well, there are plenty more new shows where that came from.  I'm sure I'll find plenty to like!

My Night as a Pole Dancer

On Friday, my friend Vicki and I had Groupons for a two-hour Intro to Pole Dancing workshop at a local fitness club. The club also offers classes with names like "Video Vixens," "Ass Class," and "Basic Burlesque" so I was anticipating  this to be the beginning of a long and beautiful relationship.

I was wrong.

Pole dancing is HARD.  And honestly, I don't know that it's something I particularly want to be good at.  My arms felt like they were being pulled out of their sockets  I kept feeling like Bridget Jones in the scene where she slides down the firehouse pole very slowly.  And this morning when I woke up, I felt like I had been run over by a giant truck and my arms are black-and-blue.  Sexy!

There were four other women taking the workshop.  They were all very tall, thin and glamorous.  Some of them had long flowy hair and stilettos.  In the meantime, I felt like an old, pudgy Puffalump.

The floor exercises were the worst. We had to roll around the floor doing moves like "Splay," which involved spreading our legs, and some gross move where we were supposed to be moving our legs to create a "window" into our downstairs areas.  One of the other moves was a Sexy Squat.  I would like you to know there is no such thing.

The Most Embarrassing Part

All-in-all, I would have been fine with the whole thing if it had just been the class. I found the whole thing very entertaining and enjoyed laughing at how horrible I was.  However, at the end, the instructor announces that we're all going to do little performances in front of the class.  I am not an attention fiend by any stretch of the imagination.  I hate feeling stupid and I hate feeling stupid in front of people that I find glamorous and intimidating.  And I hate having to do any sort of performance that involves something I don't think I do well.

Vicki and I had to each take a pole with the instructor in the middle while she led us in a routine in front of the class.  It started with something called a "Booty Roll" and then we were supposed to spin around the pole backwards, sliding down until we were on the floor.  (I just flat out said "I'm not doing that" and just went to the floor directly.  The advantages of being old.)  Once we were on the floor, we were supposed to roll around on the floor in a sexy manner, demonstrating the Splay move.  All of this while the other girls in the room  watched.

A Moment of Stupidity

I would also like to say that our instructor was a bit dumb.  At one point, we were all busy doing sexy walks.  Someone knocks on the studio door -- the instructor opens it and starts talking to this teen boy and teen girl who were peering in the studio at us, asking what we were doing.  She closes the door and says, "I'm sorry about that.  It was just two kids who wanted to see what was in here.  I only opened the door because I thought it might be a stranger."

Obviously, it was a stranger because you didn't know the kids.  And if you thought it was a stranger, why would you open the door?  You're supposed to LOCK the door if you think a stranger is involved.

You will all be pleased to know that pole dancing is not for me.  I do not plan to add "stripper" to my resume in the near future.  (Although, let's be honest.  The ship sailed a long time ago!)

What I'm Reading Wednesday: Night World (Books 1 - 3)

I'm so embarrassed to admit what I'm reading right now.  On Sunday, Simon and I were browsing at Half Price Books.  I was rummaging through the $1 books, spied this one and began reading it.  Sadly, I couldn't put it down.

This Night World book was written by LJ Smith and it's three books in one:  Secret Vampire, Daughters of Darkness and Spellbinder.  (I can feel my brain cells dying just writing that.)

I;m not sure of the exact page number, but I just started the second book within the book.

The Plot

In the first book, a teenage girl is dying of cancer and has an opportunity to become a vampire. The second book revolves around three teenage vampire sisters related to a character from the first book.  I have no idea what the third book is about, but I'm sure it's connected in some way.

The Verdict

Obviously, this book uses no skill or brain cells.  It's just a guilty pleasure read.  I'm breezing through it pretty quickly and finding myself fairly entertained.  So that makes it a terrific $1 purchase!

I Don't Get It

I always find it difficult to understand how any woman can possibly be a Republican, given all the misogynistic, sexist, ignorant things that come out of Republican male mouths.

I am beyond furious at all the rape talk that has recently been going on. I know women who have been raped and words cannot describe the trauma these women went through.  They deserve more understanding and support than they are currently getting from Republican leadership.

These men have no idea what it means to be a woman and they have no idea how the female body works.  For starters, women don't have magical organisms in their vaginas that prevent rapist eggs from implanting.

Here are the three offensive things I have recently read:

• Todd Akin - Republican Representative:  "From what I understand from doctors, that's really rare [of pregnancy caused by rape]. If it's a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down. But let's assume maybe that didn't work or something. I think there should be some punishment, but the punishment ought to be on the rapist."  Later, he said if he had replaced the word "legitimate" with "forcible," it would have been OK.
  
• Paul Ryan - Republican Vice President Candidate:  "I’m very proud of my pro-life record, and I’ve always adopted the idea, the position that the method of conception doesn’t change the definition of life."  (Cause rape is just a "method of conception.")
  
• Tom Smith -- Pennsylvania Republican Senate Candidate:  [When asked how he would tell a daughter she had to bear the child of her rapist.]  "I lived something similar to [rape] with my own family...having a baby out of wedlock." [When pressed on whether that's actually similar to rape.] "No, no, no, but … put yourself in a father’s situation, yes. It is similar. "

Why is it always old white men saying these offensive things? You're pro-life?  Fine!  Don't have an abortion.  But don't force women to bear the children of rapists and incestuous relatives.  That's ridiculous and way too extreme.