Saturday, July 08, 2006

Manhandled Boobs + Mystic Tan = Quite a Saturday!

We'll start with the manhandled boobs, 'cause let's face it, that's what you want to hear about. I went to get my bellydancing costume adjusted so I don't pull a Janet Jackson on stage. I was right - the seamstress won't be finished with the costume by 7/22 so a delayed debut is in order!

As she's measuring me for my bra in front of an entire roomful of woman, she says to one of them, "Hey come here for a second and help me." Guess what the woman's assignment was - yep, you guessed it - to hold my boobs up! (My friend Tina asked me if I had to pay extra for that service, tee hee.)

Yes, I had to let a complete stranger get to second base (I think boob grabbing is 2nd base - but I might have my bases mixed up.) So she stood there holding my boobs while the seamstress adjusted the back.

To top it off, I apparently don't have enough cleavage so I need pads sewn into my bra. That's right, I have a sequined, tasseled, padded bra - I wonder if strippers have to do that!

This is the first time in my life I've haven't had enough cleavage - although the bra is really heavy with all the sequins and tassels so it may be pulling my chest down.

Note - the picture isn't actually my costume, but it's similar. Mine's cuter, of course!

On to Mystic Tan (AKA Fake'n'Bake With Chemicals)

After looking at the enormous amount of Casper-white flesh that will be exposed by my costume (my skirt has to be pulled way down to wear this monstrosity), I decided to go to Hottie Body tanning for a little spray tan action. I was going to buy a package, but once I saw the pre-pubescent girl working there, I opted for one "try-it" session.

She was orange. Actually, her tan was a really, really dark orange, and completely unnatural looking.

She recommended the level 3, which provided the darkest tan. In fact, that was what she used the night before.

Of course, I decided right then that I will never, ever, ever get the level 3. I opted for the level 1, to provide me with a gentle J.Lo-like glow (although I suspect big orange streaks are in my future.)

The treatment itself isn't that much fun either. You get naked. You put barrier cream on your hands and feet. You stand in a booth. You get sprayed while closing your eyes and holding your breath. You turn so your butt gets sprayed. You towel off.

It smells a little chemically, but if it looks OK, I might keep it up. I'll let you know!

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