I'll Smile When I'm Dang Good & Ready to Smile

Ugh -- six hours of rehearsal. What a waste of a Sunday afternoon! If I hadn't already spent a gajillion dollars on my costume and accessories, I'd completely quit the show. It's bad enough that we have to be there all day long and it's the most inefficiently run rehearsal ever. On top of that, we get screamed at the entire time. I'm volunteering - this is supposed to be fun. In fact, I'm really paying to have the privilege to parade around half naked in front of my family and friends.

Last week it was my feet. This week it's my right butt cheek, my hands and my mouth. I'm holding my hands incorrectly, I'm not moving my right butt cheek correctly, and big shocker - I'm not smiling. I'm sorry, I don't like smiling when I'm getting screamed at. In fact, I'm not one of those big toothy grinners, anyway.

"Smile, Laura, Smile" - ICK

The whole time, the head honcho of the studio is standing in front of me yelling, 'Laura, smile." And every time she said that, I smiled less. I have this really horrible personality streak where if you want me to do something I don't want to do, bugging me about it isn't going to help. If you leave me alone, I'll probably do it eventually, but if you bug me in a loud, obnoxious way, there's no way in hell I'm going to do it.

And quite frankly, I've seen some of these girls. There's no way I'm the worst one. I'm not great, but I'm not the worst. But me and this other girl are the only ones getting picked at about our hands, feet and lack of smiles. UGH. If you want to see me dance, be sure to come to the Nov. 4 or Nov. 5 shows, 'cause I'm never doing this again.

Be on Patrol for Peeping Perverts

OH - and apparently we have to watch out for perverts. Creepy men take pictures of us in our costumes and post them on porn sites. They take pictures when we're bent over to get our chests or when we're on the floor to get our crotches (Heaven forbid they try to get my right butt cheek ... it's all out of whack.) If I show up on an internet porn site, I'm going to be peeved. In fact, if you see any part of me (even my right butt cheek) on an internet porn site, let me know, because I'm totally not supposed to be. (I won that lawsuit...tee hee!)