"Step Away From the Bath Gel"

Does anyone else find shopping at Bath & Body Works to be more annoying than any other activity in the world? I think I'd rather shovel cow manure.

First of all, you practically need nose plugs to go in there. With all the fruity/flowery/desserty candles, soaps and lotions competing with each other, it's one big smell-a-rama.

Secondly, the salespeople are obnoxious. There are always 500 of them and the second you walk in the door, they pounce. "Do you want a hand massage?" "Can I help you find something?" "What fragrance are you looking for?"

They are so perky, cheery and utterly nauseating, I want to scream "Get the f*** away from me!" at the top of my lungs. I have perfected the 'frown, slouch and head to the side' entrance, which deters many of them. The more unpleasant I make myself, the more likely they are to leave me alone as I shop, which is all I want in the first place.

On Saturday, however, my hateful entry was futile. I got sidetracked by a Lemon Warming Body Scrub (it heats up!) and decided to try it at the sink. Big mistake. Never ever try anything at the sink. One of them was waiting for me, watching me in the mirror as I dried my hands. The second I turned around, she pounced. "How was that for you? Don't you love it? Doesn't it smell good?"

I was tempted to run shrieking out of the store, but unfortunately, it really did smell good, so I headed to the cash register instead.