Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Cats, Bidets and Other Random Excitement...

I've been in New York again for the past couple of days and boy, did I have an entertaining time! My thrill-o-rama started when I opened the door Tuesday (the morning I left) to take the trash out and found a random cat wandering around my porch. It was super friendly and meow-y so I decided to pet it. It seemed skinny and hungry, so I decided to feed it.

It seemed polite to let it into my apartment while I fetched it a snack. So, the cat trotted in and wandered around my apartment while I got it some milk. Apparently, it didn't want my skim milk and I couldn't find my can opener, so I popped the lid off a can of chicken, which it seemed to enjoy a lot. The cat was very friendly, had no collar, still had its claws and was very interested in playing with my bellydancing paraphernalia. As much as I wanted to keep it, I didn't know for sure if it was a stray and I didn't want to leave a strange animal in my apartment for two days - particularly without a litter box. I left the can of chicken outside for it and went on my merry way. (The chicken was gone when I returned, so at least it got some food.)

Of course, my mom had a very mom-like response to this story: "Why would you let a strange animal into your apartment? It was probably covered in fleas and now you have fleas all over your apartment. What if it had climbed your blinds or something and you weren't able to get it out?" Ugh...moms!

Staying at the Palace

We had a terrible time finding rooms this time around - the only place we could get into was the ultra-swank New York Palace. Since it was between that and a box on the street, we picked the Palace. Immediately, I felt like I was in Pretty Woman starring as the prostitute. I kept expecting someone to kick me out because I'm more of a Days Inn kind of girl, but no one did.

When I checked in, they announced they had upgraded me - for free - to a suite. I have never stayed in a room like this in my entire life. It was bigger than my apartment (and I suspect it normally would cost more than my monthly rent - possibly two months rent.) The first thing I see is my guest bathroom - a half bath in case I have some friends over. Next, I walk into a small kitchenette - stove, full size fridge, dishwasher. Then I come to my fancy, schmancy dining area complete with seating for six and a complimentary fruit tray. Next to that is a living room area with a big TV, two sofas and two comfy chairs.

After that, I headed to my 'chambers.' The bathroom was bigger than my living room - it had two sinks and two sets of posh supplies. The toilet was standard but next to it was a bidet. (I was telling my grandmother about it - and apparently, Bryant Gumbel has those in his house in case you wanted to know.) There was also a sunken tub and a glass-enclosed shower.

My bedroom was nice - a king size bed with the most comfortable bedding ever, big TV, work desk, floor length mirror, fax machine and the best part of all...personalized business cards and stationery. It had my name and 'in residence June 6, 2007' - so had I met a cute guy, I could've given him one of my cards! (tee hee!)

We went to Dos Caminos for dinner - a great little Mexican place where they made guacamole (you choose how spicy) right at my table. When I got back that night, the maid had dimmed the lights and tuned the TVs to the hotel channel that played classical music. She (or he, I guess) had set out a robe and slippers for me and put a chocolate on my pillow. I took a bubble bath and read a book and had one of the best, most relaxing nights I've had in a long time.

I felt like Macaulay Culkin's character in Home Alone 2: Lost in New York!

Making an Ass Out of Myself One Trip at a Time

I went to NY to help with a meeting for a new project I'm working on. Some VIPs were there. My boss made a big deal about how I needed to make a good impression. I combed my hair about a billion times. Like Marcia Brady.

It all went swimmingly until the meeting was finished and I was bringing my lunch to the back of the room to eat. I tripped and fell and dumped my lunch right next to the most important person there. Now instead of thinking of me as this super capable professional working on his project, he's going to think of me as the idiot girl who tripped and spilled her lunch next to him. My boss just shook her head and laughed, but I'm sure she was cringing. When am I going to get polished?

Oh - my other shining moment was when my heel got stuck in one of the sidewalk grates and my shoe came off my foot as I continued walking. I wobbled right in front of a lot of important, cute businessmen. Sometimes I wonder why this is my life...I seriously should write a book and title it How to Make an Ass Out of Yourself Every Day of the Week (Plus Diet Tips!).

If any of you have embarrassing work stories to share, it'd make me feel a whole lot better about my idiotness! (Hint hint...)


Jen G said...

I was on a long range planning retreat with the "powers that be" for the association. At lunch I sat next to the incoming President. I had iced tea and started to squeeze my lemon into it. Not only did it squirt, it actually flung itself from my fingers and torpedoed through the air to hit the incoming President in the chin.

Another time, I was in committee meetings (sicker than a dog with a headcold) and I'm pretty sure I had booger bubbles in my nostrels.

Just yesterday, we had board meetings in our office. I went to help set up lunch in the kitchen (right next to the board room). I opened the refrigerator door and the inside-the-door holder thing broke. Picture everything you could cram in your fridge falling out, clanging and clashing and rolling over and over and over. Silence reigned in the board room until I heard a snicker and a furtive "Are you alright in there?"
I died a little, but found the good sense to say, "It wasn't me."

Do you think they believed me?

more from Jen said...

And then there was the time the board intercommed us from the board room and we thought the conversation was over and started signing a high school fight song, only to hear a disembodied voice say from the phone... "We can still hear you up here!"


Schmina Schmiampa said...


Eljabo said...

Those are the best stories ever! I love the least it didn't squirt in the President's eye!