Thursday, August 23, 2007

I Spy...

...Jehovah's Witnesses!

Egads! There are two living in the building across from me (near the dumpster that had the clarinet-off earlier this summer.)

I feel like I've been bamboozled. All this time, I was convinced they were used car salesmen. They wore white, button-down shirts with skinny, colorful ties. They wore their lightly-slicked hair in a smooth swirl. With cherubic rosy cheeks and "I drink milk straight from the cow" complexions, they looked like two grown-up, non-Menacy Dennises.

The other day I saw them accosting two Hispanic guys in my parking lot. When I saw the book in Dennis #1's hands, I also saw the light. No more used car salesmen mistaken identities.

Then I realized they're going to try to convert us all, one heathen at a time. I'm betting they're Jehovah's Witnesses - but I guess they could be some other religion. I lived next door to a Jehovah's Witness in my old apartment and she tried to convert me in my parking lot. (Also she hung religious paraphernalia from my doorknob, which completely creeped me out...or was it her doorknob? Either way...I was creeped!)

I need to prepare my standard Jehovah's Witness-avoiding answer (otherwise I'll get sucked into joining their church because 'I'm just a girl who cain't say no') - except I can't remember what it is. What do you tell them to get them to leave you alone? Should I suggest we have a threesome? Would that get rid of them?


Dear Lovey Heart said...

ten dollars says they are mormons.

Eljabo said...

A Mormon?!? I never thought of that. Do Mormons recruit?

All I know about Mormons is I used to always offer my two Mormon grad students coffee. I was mortified when someone told me Mormons didn't drink caffeine. They probably thought I was some type of pusher...

Dear Lovey Heart said...

hahahhaha that is funny.
yeah mormons ( i suppose i should just come out with and tell you that i am one.....awkward) we mormons go on what they call "missions"--boys at age 19 girls if they want at age 21, my little brother is actually going on one in like 3 months to peoria, IL and i plan on going on one next year basically it is recruiting but to me it is just wanting to tell people about something that makes me happy. sorry this is a novel and i am hoping you don't think i am some crazy religious zealot now.....mreh

Eljabo said...

Not as awkward as Michael Cera - I just won't offer you coffee! The mission trip sounds cool!

I'm pretty sure the guys are Jehovah's Witnesses though...there's something they do on a specific day that makes me think that, but I can't remember what it is!