Thursday, May 22, 2008

Finally, My Brain Catches Up!

Yesterday, the miracle of all miracles happened - my brain finally caught up to my body! For about six years, I've been taking the scenic weight loss route. The first 50 came off lightning quick but I've struggled with the remaining 25. In fact, I still have 5 more to go! I actually am glad I took it slow - I've had lots of practice with maintenance. When I finally hit my goal, I'll be ready to keep the weight off forever!

Despite this complete transformation of my body, I've always felt like a fat person inside. I like to call it 'phantom hips' syndrome. I sat gingerly on chairs because I was afraid they'd break. I took the long way around because I didn't think I could fit into a small space. I constantly scoped out other women to see if I was the fattest person in the room. If a guy didn't want to date me, I assumed it was because he thought I was fat. In fact, there was still a part of me that thought that butthead Canadian I recently dated acted like a jerk after my bellydancing show because he thought I was too jiggly.

I guess it's not too surprising. I was fat for 21 years - being normal sized is a relatively new thing for me.

Yesterday I looked in the mirror and realized I'm not fat at all. This is the first time I've ever felt that way. As a pear-shaped lady, I've always been depressed about my hips. Last night in bellydancing class, I decided I don't mind them. I like having curves. (Hey, I have to spend an hour staring at a mirrored wall - what else am I going to do?) Sure, like all women, I've got some wobbly bits - but in general, I look pretty good. In fact, some parts of me could even be called tiny.

I even don't mind being one of the few women on earth who says she likes her body - wobbly bits and all. Women are conditioned to fret about our thighs and bellies and waving triceps.

The thing is, I've worked hard - and my body does stuff now, like run and jump and dance. I should be happy with it!

1 comment:

Eljabomo said...

It took a long time but you finally see what you really look like. Good for you !