Sunday, July 13, 2008

Bye-Bye Brain Cells

I watched the first episode of I Love Money on VH1. It was, of course, terrible and by terrible I mean terribly awesome! A bunch of "celebs" from Flavor of Love, Rock of Love and I Love New York are competing for $250,000. At least they finally admit why they're really on TV instead of that mushy love crap. Competing for Bret Michaels' germ-infested heart/body, my arse!

I've only watched Rock of Love so didn't know the wonderfulness on all the other shows. Mr. Boston from I Love New York was particularly fetching. He apparently gets a lot of ladies and posts his STD test results on his bedroom wall so they know he's clean.

That's pretty sexy - exactly what I want in a fellow. I'm disappointed when the guys I date don't display their results. I think I'd bring him home to meet my parents too. In fact, I think I'd mail the STD results home to my parents so THEY know he's OK. (And can hang them on their fridge.)

He reminds me of a sex offender. In one particularly exciting scene, he stuffed his speedo with socks to give the illusion of having a larger package. Unfortunately, the contestants were asked to stuff money in their speedos so he had to de-sock himself in front of the whole cast. He even ended up flashing them all, lucky peeps!

The best girl moment was when Brandi C (the ginormous-boobed, super-smart girl from Rock of Love 1) tried to prove her physical prowess by doing 10 push-ups. (She had lousy form. My gym instructors would have beat me if I did push-ups with my butt up as high as hers.) When she stood up, she sprained her ankle because of her 4-inch stripper shoes. That's a way to prove you're a hot commodity!

The show's a cluster! I just hope Megan and Brandi C stop talking about how old Heather from ROL-1 is. For crying out loud, she's only 33. That's a little over a year older than me - I certainly don't feel old and washed up and I don't think Heather is either. If I were a guy, I'd pick Heather over Megan and Brandi C ANY day of the week. She's way more fun - the other two are so incredibly stupid they'd bore the crap out of you. I could handle them for 5 minutes - then they'd have to leave.

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