Friday, September 05, 2008

Is It Appropriate to Snort at Work?

I waited a whole two days to buy New Kids on the Block's newest CD, The Block. I opted for the deluxe version, which was $2 more and had 4 more songs. Why would anyone buy the standard version? That's silly! Added bonus - a black and white poster of the Kids wearing black suits and sunglasses. Hottness! (mis-spelling is for effect).

The whole theme of the CD is the New Kids are adults now and have lots of sex. Insane amounts of sex. Kinky sex even. More sex than you or I could ever hope to have in our lifetimes. As I listened to the CD at work, I found myself snickering out loud at some of the lyrics. The music itself isn't terrible, but the words and singing...yowza! Still, it was worth the $12 I spent.

Here are the best lines:

  1. Click Click Click - features a smokin' hot Donnie rap
    "Pose for me, take off your clothes for me."
    It's nice they've developed such refined tastes. Where's Jermaine Stewart when you need him?"

  2. Single (with Ne-Yo) - features yet another Donnie rap
    "You don't gotta be alone tonight...I'll be your boyfriend 'til the song goes off." This song gives them instant street cred since it's with Ne-Yo. Plus it's clever. They're talking about SINGLE ladies dedicating a SINGLE to dudes at a night club. Get it?

  3. Big Girl Now (with Lady GaGa - yeah, I've never heard of her either)
    "You've got a grown man ready to blow."
    Yes, exactly what you were thinking. These are ADULT New Kids on the Block and they get some serious horizontal action.

  4. Summertime - featuring one of Jordan's famed falsettos
    "In your strapless sundress, kick it back, no stress, as long as we was together."
    This song says "We're thugs from Boston and we don't need no proper grammar."

  5. In the Morning - featuring a sexy Danny voiceover (where he talks over the music)
    "Girl, it's almost 10. Gotta know if you're mad at me before Grey's Anatomy."
    Ooh - a pop culture reference. We don't hear enough TV references in today's music. Love that 'mad at me' and 'anatomy' rhyme!

  6. Grown Man (with the Pussycat Dolls and Teddy Riley)
    "She goes on like a circus, work it, work it"
    What does that even mean? How do you go on like a circus? Does it mean you're smelly, over-priced, and overly made up like real circuses?
    "I'm gonna give you some grown man." I think the background singers sang "Beefy" after that line, but I might be wrong.
    Sorry - I had to give two for this song! I think the grown man line means that the New Kids are grown-ups now and they have extremely large penises. (But I might be wrong...)

  7. Dirty Dancing - a reggae-ish song a la 'Stay With Me Baby' from Step By Step
    "It's like crazy. She's like Baby. I'm like Swayze."
    Yes, they meant THAT Dirty Dancing. Am I the only person who HATES Dirty Dancing? It's such a silly movie and Patrick Swayze was a big oily buffoon. (Although I feel bad about his pancreatic cancer.)

  8. Sexify My Love
    "Baby...gotta concentrate on how we're gonna consummate. Let's conversate because I think it's time we became one love, one body."
    The ADULT New Kids love to get it on. They love getting it on so much, they have to make up words like 'conversate' and 'sexify.'

  9. Twisted
    "Tell me where to kiss it."
    Actually, this song is pretty boring...NEXT!

  10. Full Service (With New Edition)
    "You don't gotta gotta be nervous nervous. Ima giveya giveya full service"
    Sweet! Two 80s boy bands for the price of one? This is my lucky day! Plus this song boasts what we like to call a double entendre. Hint: They're not talking about gas stations.

  11. Lights, Camera, Action - featuring a sexy Danny voiceover (where he talks over the music)
    "You go hit the lights, I'll set up the camera, let's get to the action."
    Yep, nothing says grown-up like a sex tape. Actually, I'm kind of surprised we haven't seen any NKOTB sex tapes yet. If Screech from Saved By The Bell has one...

  12. Put It On My Tab (with Akon) - featuring a sexy Danny voiceover (where he talks over the music)
    "Put that drink, girl, on my tab"
    More street cred. This time they've got Akon (not to be confused with Clay Aiken.)

  13. Stare at You - featuring one of Jordan's famed falsettos
    "It's not the way you look that brings me to my knees. It's the way you look at me."
    That just made me throw up a little in my mouth. The fact that the background singers keep singing "So gorgeous" in a breathy way makes me suspect that line's a falsehood!

  14. One Song - featuring one of Jordan's famed falsettos AND one of the Kids' KIDS makes a cameo
    "We can have it all before they drop the ball, baby."
    This means that although the New Kids HAVE lots of sex, they aren't very good at it and the whole she-bang (literally) would be over in 10 seconds.

  15. Don't Cry
    "Kiss me like it's the last time, love me like it's the first time."
    Sounds like some cheesy line teen boys use to lure in their prey.

  16. Officially Over - featuring a sexy Danny voiceover (where he talks over the music)
    "It's officially over. There's nothing you can say to fix your wrong."
    I think this song is how Donnie asked his wife for a divorce - or it's what she said to him.

  17. Looking Like Danger
    "You look like an angel but the devil comes out when you dance with me."
    Let's break out our lighters now, 'cause that's some pretty romantic stuff!

1 comment:

Stephanie said...

Please make me a copy of this! I must memorize these lyrics before we go to the show! And, in response to your question, yes, it is appropriate to snort at work, I do it all the time when my kids say something goofy.