Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Cruisin' Together

I'm so bummed.  New Kids on the Block announced that they're having a cruise with their fans in May.  I have to work that particular weekend - as well as many others.  (This might be a reason to look for a new job.  "Why are you looking for a new position?"  "Well, you see, I'd like to float around the ocean in a boat filled with aging teen idols.")

When I was in 9th grade, New Kids did their Magic Summer Cruise (or whatever it was called).   I listened to WOMP FM pretty much 24 hours a day, straining to hear my name called out so I could call back within 15 minutes and be entered to win.  I managed to get entered twice, but it wasn't enough.

The worst part was I knew the girls who won.  We called them the Triplets because they were always together and they always wore head-to-toe New Kids apparel (like the big pins).  One of them had even an in-home tanning bed...wonder how she's aged.  She looked 40 in 9th grade!  Like every else from my high school, she's probably married with 12 kids.   

I was particularly incensed because the New Kids would not have taken these Triplet girls seriously with their fainting and their New Kids apparel and leathery overtanned skin.  

Had I been on the Magic Summer Cruise, Jordan Knight would have been impressed by my suave, genuine appreciation of their artistry.   He would've wanted to be my boyfriend.  Because every 20-year-old massively famous singer was dying for a 14-year-old girlfriend from Wheeling, West Virginia who had thick glasses, poofy bangs and chunky thighs.  Had I worn my acid-washed denim overalls for him, he would've fallen instantly in love.

Although if reality television had been around way back then, I would not have been a fan of Mr. Jordan Knight, because he's kind of creepy in real life.

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