Thursday, January 08, 2009

Guilty Pleasures

I'm hooked on trash TV.  It's horrifying and disturbing on many levels.  (Although I just started reading that Left Behind book and that's kind of trashy too - why are people naked when they get zapped off to Heaven?  Are their clothes too tartish?)

Here are my current tv picks:

Rock of Love Bus

I swore up and down I would never watch this Bret Michaels T&A circus again.  However, I was curious about how a bunch of drunk slutty girls living on a tour bus would work out - especially since one bouncy lady claims to get carsick.

These girls are the trashiest yet!  Some are porn stars.  Half have the fakest boobs I've eve
r seem.  There's a bus full of bubble-headed blondes who keep making out with each other.  Why are guys so obsessed with women who make out with each other?  Wouldn't they rather have the women make out with them?  Maybe they think it's like a real life porno.

One girl got so drunk on tequila she threw up (this was during daylight hours).  Then she ate a couple of Doritos and made out with Bret.  I swear - he would have to wrap himself in latex and bathe in alcohol before I'd even shake his hand.

My favorite (just for horror -whore? - factor) was DJ Lady Tribe - this season's Daisy.  With stringy bleached blonde hair,  the biggest fake boobs I've ever seen (she got a boob job to keep from going to jail) big puffy lips, and smudged mascara, she was a visual train wreck.  Her lack of brain cells made her a mental train wreck as well.  

She started doing this "rap" for Bret Michaels to express her love (lust?)  She wrote it on the back of gonorrhea/ genital herpes tip sheets.  Yuck! Then LATER in the show, she did a buttery nipple shot out of some girl's hoo hoo.  What I can't figure out is did she pour the drink in or did she stick the glass in there?  Not that either is a great option.

True Beauty

This is the Tyra Banks/Ashton Kutcher reality show that forces 10 beautiful people to live in a house together.  They think it's a beauty competition but they're being judged on their inner beauty.

It was hilarious - these people are obsessed with themselves.  All they talk about is what they look like and how perfect they are and how much the opposite sex loves them. It's a bunch of vain people who have never had to actually use their brain cells.  They're so vapid, it's hilarious.

They keep making a big deal about how old one of the best looking guys is.  He's 31.  Ack!  (Thanks Kel!)

This senior citizen asked if his shirt was too small.  (If you have to ask, it is!)  One girl says "No - it shows off your ...I don't know what those muscles are called."  The answer was "biceps."  She just graduated from college as a biology major.  I was a music major and I know the answer to that.

On the first episode, the contestants met with a plastic surgeon who claims he can assign people a beauty number based on their bone structure.  I actually find that creepy - it's the whole premise of the Uglies series - that there is some kind of scientific, ultimate beauty.  Who can say what some people find beautiful? It's so much more than what people look like.

But this show will continue to be hilarious, I'm sure!  The lowest scoring two were ranked a 90 on the scale - I think a 94 was considered star-quality and an 82 was considered very good looking.  They kept saying "I'm not ugly.  I'm not ugly."  No shit, Sherlock!

Confessions of a Teen Idol

This is the newest venture from Scott Baio.  He took 7 former teen idols and making them live in a house together to try to recapture their fame.  The first problem is that "teen idols" seems to be a loose description.  I recognized three of them and none were idols  - that guy from the Blue Lagoon, that Jamie Walters guy from The Heights  and Eric Nies from The Real World and The Grind.

I like the idea of this show, but it was kind of boring so I'm not sure I'm going to watch.  A bunch of dudes sitting around in therapy talking about how much ass they used to get?  They certainly aren't getting any now!  Yikes


Anonymous said...

OMG! I love the Rock of Love series - at least Bret Micheal's had some sense to dump the STD DJ & the Hoo Haa shot girl - I DVR that show too, I don't want to miss a moment! What a hot mess this season is going to be, I can't wait!

God Bless VH1

P.S. this is Kel

Anonymous said...

P.S.S you're right the Scott Baio show is boring....When did Real World make people a "star"??

Sorry I spelled Bret Michael's name wrong..

Eljabo said...

I am so happy you're watching Rock of Love too - that gives me even MORE people to talk about it with.

My greatest fear is that someday I'll have a daughter and she'll end up on Rock of Love with Bret Michaels' grandson. What if your daughter is the one drinking buttery nipple shots out of some chick's hoo hoo?

Actually, I wish I was related to that chick. If your relative is doing that, everything you do will seem wholesome and pure. That priceless heirloom you knocked biggie!