Dear Women of Columbus,
Please stop wearing leggings with really long shirts, particularly at the Kroger on Polaris Parkway. We're not fooled - leggings don't count as pants and that shirt isn't really a dress. When you bend over, we can see your hoo-hoo and we don't want to. We don't care if Lindsay Lohan and the Olsen twins wear leggings. They are not exactly good role models; their bodies look like lollipops.
Please wear pants or shorts with all long tops or wear leggings with dresses that come down to mid-thigh (not shirts that barely cover your behind) and never, ever, EVER wear leggings with crop tops.
Also on the discard list:
- Acid-washed denim
- Bulky plaid shirts
- "Boyfriend" blazers
- Pegged jeans
We have already worn all of these items and can guarantee that they do not look good on anyone. In fact, we went through our high school careers looking like lesbian lumberjacks thanks to the grunge era. Please don't make the same mistake.