I Am a Giant Ass

I'm not even going to sugarcoat it with an 'arse.'

When I was growing up, my mom warned me that my smart mouth was going to get me in big trouble someday. While my mouth has certainly caused a fair share of problems in my life, my fingertips were the troublemakers tonight!

I was watching my previously recorded premiere of Ugly Betty (I love that show) when I spied the worst prescription drug commercial EVER. I forget what drug it was for (proof of a bad ad) but the list of side effects was extraordinary. It included headaches, nausea and suicidal thoughts and actions. I don't know ailment people are taking this drug for, but it's probably way better than suicidal thoughts and actions. That seems like less of a side effect and more of a big ass problem.

I decided to post a Facebook update about the commercial, because that's what I do. I'm not sure why. For some reason, I enjoy posting Facebook status updates (much like I enjoy writing this blog.) I'm sure people are not quite so thrilled with reading them, but it amuses me. Plus, it's a good writing exercise. You have to keep things very concise (unlike this blog.)

I wrote "I think 'suicidal thoughts and actions' are a pretty serious drug side effect!" I figured that since I've seen the commercial 4 or 5 times, other people probably have as well and would get a chuckle out of it. Way back in the day that drug commercial that included 'gambling' as a side effect was a big hit amongst the masses.

Within 10 minutes, I had an email from a girl I went to junior high and a year of high school with. She thought I was suicidal. The gal wrote a very sweet letter about her experience with a prescription drug that temporarily made her psychotic and all the terrible things that happened when she was taking the drug and what she did about it. It was four paragraphs of EXTREMELY personal stuff.

Here's my dilemma:

1. I tell her I was joking about suicide on Facebook and would never, ever actually consider offing myself. Of course, this would probably make her feel bad about all the stuff she wrote and make me seem like a giant tool.
   
   
2. I could thank her for the information, which would lead her (and undoubtedly numerous people I went to school with) to think that I'm suicidal AND that I'm the type of person who would post a cry for help on Facebook. (I'd be the Tila Tequila of Lewis Center.)
   
   
3. I could write nothing and appear to be a insensitive prick. (Can ladies be insensitive pricks?)
   

I think I'm going to choose none of the above. I'll write her back and tell her I'm sorry she went through that, it sounds horrible and it makes you want to pay closer attention to warning labels on prescription drugs.

I feel so pathetic. I can't believe my sorry attempt at a joke made people think I'm suicidal. I immediately took down my status update, and I have definitely learned my lesson.

It's a good thing I'm not running for office. FOX "News" would have a field day with this one!