Back from Vegas

Simon and I recently hit up Las Vegas. We wanted to have a fun vacation before Simon started class again and before we were expecting any additions to our family.

It was Simon's first time and my second. We

had an absolute blast -- the weather was beautiful, our hotel (Pa

ris) was nice and we were excited to have some time to ourselves.

Here's what we learned:

• Smoky & the Bandit: Nevada is down with indoor smoking (unlike Ohio.) I forgot what it was like to go out to smoky bars and restaurants.
  
  
• Round the Clock Cocktail Hour: It's ALWAYS time for gambling and cocktails. When we left at 6 a.m. on Saturday morning, the casino was filled with folks chugging beer and manhandling the slot machines.
  
  
  
• Bring Lots of Dinero: Vegas is NOT cheap. We stopped at a Mexican restaurant for a snack that consisted of nachos and two margaritas. It cost us more than a nice meal in Columbus.
  
  
• Blister in the Sun: Shoe stores must do great business helping out ladies who wear the wrong shoes. I did the cute shoe thing for two hours one night. The next day I had to buy athletic shoes to ease the pain caused by giant blisters on my tootsies. (Although judging by the footwear other ladies wore, I seemed to be the only one with a problem.)
  
  
• I'll Take a Tube: Daiquiris are sold by the yard, not the glass.
  
  
• Shake Your Moneymaker: I was momentarily judgmental of the ladies dancing in their underwear on top of the gaming tables - that was until I realized that probably made more than twice my salary.
  
  
• Sugar, Sugar: The Sugar Factory is awesome. We went there three times. I highly recommend their Lollipop Passion beverage and their Fluffer Nutter milkshake.
  
  
• Frumpy Lady: When you're old and married, you don't care so much about looking hot on your nights out. We saw Criss Angel on Friday night. I wore a leopard print dress with gray athletic shoes and white socks. (Remember, blisters!) After the show, we got milkshakes and went up to our room, waltzing past 50 hoochie mamas waiting in time for the Nikki Minaj concert. Apparently, those ladies do not suffer from blisters as they were wearing 5-inch heels.
  
  
• What Time is It?: All the casinos have fake blue skies painted on the inside, so you know if it's morning, noon or night. Plus, they are hard to navigate so you could spend hours wandering around looking for the exit. The better to gamble, my pretties.
  
  
• Time Shares Good: Time share presentations are beneficial -- we scored $75 for a fancy dinner at a steakhouse and two Criss Angel tickets for $50. (One ticket would have been $59.)
  
  
• Time Shares Bad: Time share presentations suck. We finished in 1 hour and 45 minutes. Since the presentations have to last two hours, we had to sit for 15 minutes. Afterward the floor boss came over and slashed the price three times. When we didn't take it, he ripped up the contract and brought us to the exit. At the exit, another guy slashed the price two more times. After we didn't take it, we basically got shoved out the back door. Our price for the two bedroom condo went from $745 a month to $92 a month. I swear, all the price slashing makes you feel like you're getting taken advantage of.
  
  
• Down with Kansas City Airport: The Kansas City airport sucks. We had a three hour layover there. All of the restaurants and shops were past security. I went to buy a magazine -- on my way back through security, they examined my documents like I've never traveled before.
  
  
• This Margarita is Tops!: The very best margarita in Las Vegas is at Taqueria Canonita in the Venetian. We know this because of Angela and because we taste tested margaritas all along the strip.
  
  
• A Hole in My Pocket: Slot machines suck. We set aside $100 to gamble and lost almost all of it. Luckily, my luck changed at the Wolf Pack machine and I won back $25. We cashed that baby out!
  


• Fancy Pants: If you want to splurge, stay at Aria or the Cosmopolitan. They were the poshest of the hotels.
  
  
• Simple is Best: The best meal we had was at Max Brenner at the Forum shops in Caesar's Palace. Simon got a salad and I got a tuna sandwich -- delicious! The high rating might also have to do with the kick-ass dessert we ordered. It's pictured below - we had a mini milkshake, mini ice cream sundae, mini cake and cocktail shaker of chocolate syrup.