Sunday, May 21, 2006

The Da Vinci Code Movie Was Truly Terrible!

I'm so disappointed. I read the book 2 years ago and was so excited when I heard they were making a movie. Of course, I was a little less excited when I heard Tom Hanks was the lead.

Ed and I have been having a debate about the artistic merits of Dan Brown's book. He thinks it's a poorly-written piece of crap. I think there's a difference between a good storyteller and a good writer. No, you're not going to read Dan Brown's works in English class 20 years from now, but it's a light book to read with an interesting plot.

The Da Vinci Suckfest, Perhaps
It took me longer to watch the movie than it did to read the book. (Yes, I know the NY Times said that, but I thought of it before I even knew that. So there!) Tom Hanks was terrible.

I'm glad Ron Howard axed the romantic storyline, because Audrey Tautou (whom I adore) and Mr. Hanks had no chemistry whatsoever. Ron Howard added in this whole subplot involving the main character being trapped in a well and how he became very religious. It was pointless and irritating. Dan Brown didn't bother developing his characters so Ron didn't need to add in this extraneous nonsense.

Protest This, Baby!
The only joy was there were protesters outside of the theater. I'm sorry, but if you think the fictional movie is blasphemy or a sin, don't see it. I think the majority of people know the difference between fact and fiction and are capable of watching one horrible movie without turning into atheists.

Ed had a truly fabulous idea of walking past the protesters and saying, "What a great documentary! I had no idea Jesus was married with a kid." Unfortunately, by the time the painfully-long movie was finished, the protesters were gone. I guess saving souls is only important between 7 and 9 p.m. (the hours of sin!)

Miscellaneous Non-Movie Sidebars

  • Apparently my dad went to the doctor because he thought he had an ear infection. No dice. He had cement dust in his ear (from the cement plant he works at). Can you imagine the stories the nurse told when she went home? "This man came in today and ..." What if it had turned into concrete? (Doesn't cement turn into concrete?)

  • I was at the gym walking briskly on the treadmill. There was an infomercial playing for the Almighty Cleanse, a colon cleanser. I have never been so disturbed in my entire life. First of all, the product founder was talking about how you should poop 3 times a day. How on earth would you get anything else done? And he was talking about how common pinworms are. YUCK! I've already had to worry about the mumps, bird flu, and mad cow disease ... now I have to add pinworms to that list?!?

No comments: