Tuesday, May 22, 2007

New York, New York

I'm back from a quick overnighter to New York for work. We won't talk about why I had to go(*cough cough* Maxine is a pain in my patoot *cough cough*), but what we CAN talk about are the many exciting happenings along the way:

"I Just Don't Think the Bratz Are Fashionable"

On the way there, I sat next to a living Bratz doll. She was so skinny, she only took up half her seat. and she had long, glossy, perfectly straight hair; big, pouty glossy lips; and a head-to-toe, oh-so-chic white outfit with no stains or dirt whatsoever.

In comparison, my ass took up pretty much the entire seat, my mousy brown hair was a frizzball and my shirt had a safety pin holding the front together so it didn't gape and show my brassiere. Let me just say, I felt like the biggest hillbilly on Earth.

So what can a girl do but spill a drink on the pretty princesss? Well almost, I knocked my cup over into her lap by accident (I swear!), but it was pretty much empty. Just a couple of drops. Oh yeah, I almost forgot. I also sat directly in front of two screaming twin babies. Double the fun!

"I Swear It's For My Face - I Promise"

I recently purchased a Dove SkinVitalizer, which is basically a vibrating wand you stick a cleansing pillow on and use to cleanse and exfoliate your face. I absolutely love it - my skin looks way more glowy after just a few uses. I love it so much, I brought it with me.

As the bellhop brings my bag into the room, ( about 10 minutes after I checked in) I hear a really loud buzzing sound, almost like something's vibrating. "Wow that's so loud - what's that noise?" I exclaim. The guy stares at me like I'm stupid and says, "I don't know, it's coming from YOUR bag." Oops.

Mortified, I tried to explain about my Dove vibrating face wand thingamabob, but I could tell he wasn't buying it. He pretty much bolted from my room. I'm sure he went down and told his bellhop cronies all about it, embellishing the story like this: "I took a bag up to that woman with the gaping shirt whose butt looks like it'd fit on an entire airplane seat. And then one of those lifelike vibrators - I think it was the Shaq model - fell out of her bag. And then she ..."

"Hmm...Puke BEFORE Dessert or AFTER Dessert?"

Next I walked a total of two miles for a fancy, schmancy cupcake I read about on the internets. Sorry Weight Watchers, but NY is a big-time food city. Gotta live a little - a girl can't exist on salad greens alone. I got the Boston Cream cupcake - although not my first choice (pickings were slim at the end of the day), it was still delish!

Before I ate my treat, I stopped at a hole-in-the-wall Indian place for some chicken vindaloo (my fave). It was by far the spiciest vindaloo I've ever eaten. I had to keep fanning my mouth, which was undoubtedly quite fetching. When I was almost finished, I felt like I was going to throw up. Not from being too full - but from being too spiced.

As I rushed back to my hotel , all I could think about was the cupcake. Do I throw up BEFORE eating the cupcake, knowing I probably wouldn't feel like eating it afterward, or do I do it AFTER eating the cupcake, knowing it would cancel out the fat and calories of the cupcake? I thought about this for way longer than anyone should, and luckily it occupied my mind long enough for me to stop feeling sick. The cupcake, by the way, was FABULOUS.


Liz said...

Look on the bright side. I would much rather feel like I have to vomit than the other direction, if you know what I mean. And after spending the whole day at Cedar Point in that condition, only able to ride the granny rides like the Carousel and the Ferris Wheel, I decided vomiting is preferable. At least you get it done quickly and there's no clean up.
But I'm glad you didn't end up doing either. I bet that cupcake was good.

sirmixalot said...

Girl, you should'a had two of them cupcakes. Find that juicy double! Fill an airplane seat? Call me!

-Sir Mixalot

P.S. Don't dog on my boy Blake. He da bomb!

Liz said...


Eljabo said...

Ha ha ha ha ... I just spit my water out!