Friday, July 20, 2007

"We're MacGyver For Real!"

I had my third bellydancing performance ever earlier today at the Franklin County Fair. I got scolded for not smiling enough - surprise, surprise. Whenever I smiled, I felt like I was baring my teeth, so I tried doing a sassy half-smile while shooting smoldering glances with my eyes. It must not have worked.

The whole thing was a bit of a debacle. I drove there wearing my silver tasseled bra (with a buttoned-down shirt on top), headpiece and fake hair. I pulled up to the gate-guarding cop and told him I was the entertainment (then realized it sounded a tad stripperish.) He said, "No kidding" and let me in. The ticket-taker said "What are you supposed to be? The Prom Queen?" I soon realized most of the people in dance costumes were 5. I seemed to be the only 30 year old.

Pantyhose & 6 Safety Pins

I needed to change after I was finished so my friend Shannon came to the bathroom with me to help me undress. In addition to needing help with the bra, I needed help removing the body stocking I'd fashioned out of a pair of pantyhose. (I've been feeling a little flabby lately.)

Unfortunately, I forgot to bring a regular bra to change into. I didn't know what to do - so Shannon and I created a bra out of half a pair of pantyhose (otherwise known as my body stocking) and six safety pins. It had straps and everything. It wasn't beautiful or supportive or good in any way, but I was still impressed with our mad improv skills. You can do a lot with pantyhose and safety pins! I should write to Hanes and see if they want to feature me in an ad...

I feel kind of bad about dragging my friend into the handicapped stall with me, exposing my chest to her and then making her help me create an on-the-spot brassiere - all after she's driven for three hours with two small children. What kind of a friend I am ... but aren't we ingenious? (Yes, that's the bra in the picture.)

Why You Shouldn't Nod and Say 'Yes' When Getting a Pedicure

I got a pedicure on Thursday to prepare for my performance. I know this sounds terrible, but I had a really hard time understanding the woman who worked on my feet. It was partly because my ears were clogged from allergies and partly because English was her second or third language. I kept trying to nod and smile and be friendly. She asked me a question and I figured she was commenting on the crappy job I do at cutting my toenails into some reasonable shape. So I smiled and said "Yes."

I ended up with daisies on my big toes. I paid $5 more for this and feel a little ghetto. They're kind of cute in a weird high school girl way, but at my age, I don't really need flowers on my toes! I probably shouldn't post this picture because some foot fetish person will find me and start a website dedicated to my feet. Yeah right. In tenth grade, Matt Wood told me I had the ugliest feet he'd ever seen - he said they looked like Fred Flintstone feet. So I doubt the fetish folks will be interested...unless they like Fred.

4 comments:

t said...

I think it's Cute!

t said...

"it" being the daisy. The bra is not cute, but it's a bit of a marvel.

amymvt said...

that bra is too much. hang in there you crazy gal

Eljabo said...

Literally...ha ha ha!