Tuesday, January 08, 2008

In a Handbasket, On My Way to Hell

Let me start by saying I hate dating and I was up too late last night watching the National Championship game, so I'm in a piss-poor mood.

One of the main reasons I hate dating is that people overshare. Personally. I feel you should learn more about a person over a period of time, instead of hearing it all at once. It makes it easier to digest.

Case in point -- I had a date scheduled with a guy (let's call him Mr. TMI) for last weekend, but had to cancel because I was sick. I have never actually seen Mr. TMI in person; yet, for some reason I know:
  • He broke up with his last girlfriend because she wanted to start trying to have a baby after 7 weeks of dating.
  • His last girlfriend didn't want him to go to the gym because she wanted him to spend all his time with her.
  • His best friend (a girl) recently went through a traumatic breakup and had to go through the horrible exercise of removing the ex from her MySpace page.
  • He had to take her to the hospital on Dec. 30 because she tried to commit suicide.
  • He also had to take her to the hospital last summer because she thought she had a blood clot.

I realize that sounds like I'm being insensitive about his best friend. The thing is, I don't know her at all. I wouldn't want my friends telling my business to complete strangers so it bothered me that he told me all that stuff. It gets better:

  • When I called to cancel, he made me talk to his best friend (the one who just tried to off herself) on the phone so she could give him good references. I'm sure that was her main concern.
  • In December, one of his saliva glands got infected and became swollen so it looked like he had some weird growth under his lip.

Why I'm Taking Up Residence in the Handbasket

The more I thought about his icky saliva glands, the more annoyed I was that I was supposed to go out with him tonight on our rescheduled date. To make matters worse, Mr. TMI's conversation style involves a great deal of overly detailed conversation about himself with a few questions for me sprinkled in like favorite book, favorite movie, favorite Brady Bunch character. I thought his questions were cute in e-mail; in person, they feel like a job interview.

After an entire day of feeling annoyed, I decided there was no way I was going to give this guy a fair shake, so I should cancel again. I do have a scratchy throat and my ears hurt and I have a headache, so there are legitimate reasons for me to cancel. However, I didn't want him to call me and ask about my favorite food for 90 minutes (he wants to talk on the phone for 90 minutes! I don't even talk to my friends for that long!) so I texted him and told him I was losing my voice. (This was inspired by my department head's recent bout with laryngitis.)

I thought this was perfect because we wouldn't have to talk on the phone. Of course then he texted me to say he was cool with me canceling and would it be OK if he called me later tonight. What part of 'losing my voice' did he not understand? I was as indignant as if I actually had lost my voice!

I know I should just suck it up and tell him I don't want to go out with him but I feel like I'm not being fair - maybe he's nervous and that's why he's king of the TMI. I guess I'm old-fashioned. I want the slow pace of yesteryear's dating, but with today's technology, it seems to be nearly impossible.

I'm a horrible person and my vocal cords are probably going to fall out due to my big fat lie. Karma's a bitch, you know!

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