Let's talk jalapenos. For some reason, I never remember to wear gloves when I chop jalapenos. I remember hours later when I take out my contacts, put them back in and need my husband to immediately stick his fingers in my eyes and take them out again because my eyeballs are burning.
Today, I felt the need to rub my nose after chopping the peppers. At first, I felt a minor burning. And then it grew a little more annoying. And then it burned with the fire of a thousand suns.
I ask my Mexican husband what to do, since he's familiar with jalapenos. (I'm referring to his Mexican heritage to illustrate why he's a good person to ask about jalapenos.) "Wash your face," was his suggestion. OK. I soap and water my nostrils. Flames are still shooting out of my nose (not literally).
I then remember that water simply spreads the hotness around, while milk is supposed to take the edge off. (I've seen Man vs. Food.) I soak a paper towel in milk and press it against my flaming nostrils. No dice.
I turn to Dr. Google. Rubbing alcohol is supposed to help - great! I remember buying a bottle 5 or 6 years ago. I ask my hubby to go upstairs and rummage under the bathroom sink to see if he can find it.
No dice. Must have tossed it when I moved.
Baking soda. THAT I have. I make a paste of baking soda and water and rub it all over my nose. Ahhh...relief! I wander around the house for about 30 minutes with my nose covered in baking soda. After bits of it start flaking off, I decide it's time to wipe it down.
While making my zucchini bread, I realize I'm out of baking powder so I run to the store for an emergency trip. I notice some people looking at me strangely. The checkout girl gives me the once-over, as well.
I think to myself, "Yeah, I know I look like a hot mess. I was at a wedding last night. I consumed mass quantities of vodkas with cranberry juice and amaretto sours. I'm wearing a Sesame Street t-shirt and I've barely combed my hair. Sue me."
As I get in my car, I look in the rearview mirror. Apparently, I didn't quite wash off all the baking soda from my nose. There was still a bit of white powder. Instead of just looking like a hot mess, I looked like a hot mess Lindsay Lohan wannabe. Drat - I go to that store all the time!