Friday, April 25, 2008

They're Here!

My box of 44 Sweet Valley High books arrived yesterday and they were everything I imagined them to be. Sporting that "I've been sitting around a musty attic" smell, the books were an array of cheesy, pastel 80s covers.

The blurbs on the back were obviously written by some over-caffeinated editorial assistant with yellow toenails and a Member's Only jacket.

I'm midway through Double Love and it's just as awful/great as I remembered. Right now, evil cheerleader twin Jessica Wakefield is conniving to make basketball hero Todd Wilkins think that serious newspaper editor Liz Wakefield is a loose, racy slutbag.

You see, Jessica snuck out to a BAR (*gasp*) with a mustached high school dropout named Rick Andover. He drank beer (uh-oh) and tried to grope her and then started a bar fight.

She was forced to tell Rick:
Sorry Rick, but I'd have a better time with an octopus. Thanks for nothing. I think I'll just call a cab.

Oh snap! She's full of these zingers.

A police officer took Jessica home and thought she was Liz and Jessica didn't correct him. Oops! Of course, being a racy, drunk, slutbag is a no-no for an uber-popular b-ball star like Todd, so I think he might take Jessica to the big dance. And hilarity ensues.

You know, I think I'm having a little too much fun with the SVH books. Maybe I shouldn't tell anyone I'm re-reading them. I'll just keep it between me and the internets.

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