A Day Off - Woo Hoo!

I have today off, which means I'm doing muchos apartment cleaningos. (Translation: lots of napping plus reading Janet Evanovich's latest Stephanie Plum novel, Fearless Fourteen)

I also did the Jillian Michaels Backside DVD workout today. I really liked it - it's supposed to give me a smokin' hot backside with 6 three-exercise circuits. I think Jillian knows her stuff - so moves were good. She threw in some more advanced variations as well, so you can grow with the DVD. The instruction was a little too elementary, but would be great for beginners.

OK, so as I read Fearless Fourteen, I'm struck by the age-old question of who is hotter - Ranger or Morelli? I waffle between the two - and think to myself, why don't I have the some problematic decision to make? To add some joy to my life, I've added a poll to the side menu so you can vote too.

I'm also pondering who would make a good Stephanie Plum, Lula, Ranger & Morelli in a movie version. If you have an opinion, post a comment.

• Stephanie Plum - I always picture Sandra Bullock for some reason, although she's probably a little old. Maybe Anne Hathaway?


• Lula - Sherri Shepherd all the way!


• Ranger - I always imagine Vin Diesel.


• Morelli - I think Benjamin Bratt would be perfect - or maybe Mark Ruffalo?

Get Those Butt-Cheeks A-Movin'

Last night, I tried yet another of Suhaila Salimpour's bellydance DVDs - it was the Bellydance Yoga Fusion installment. Holy crap!

It's been over a year since I've done one of her DVDs, and I forgot all about Suhaila's signature move. Basically, you sit on the floor in a straddle (yeah right) and lift one butt-cheek at a time. After you get that down pat(ha!), you speed it up.

The first problem is the straddle - no part of my body can do that. Also, the butt-cheek isolations are a bit too much for me and I've been bellydancing for over three years.

Click here to see Suhaila do the butt-cheek thing on Ellen Degeneres' show. It's hilarious! Ellen's reaction is very similar to my own.

Suhaila also does these "undulations" in the video, which are very similar to stomach rolls. She did about 50 in a row - moving the stomach up and down then down and up. I ended up collapsing in a heap and I'm actually pretty good at stomach rolls.

The last time I did a Suhaila video, I was with Shannon and her two daughters. 5-year-old Reaghan (I might be spelling that wrong...I have trouble spelling that one!) burst into tears and said "That makes my tummy hurt." Let me tell you, I felt exactly the same way last night!

I Swear I'm Not Normally This Dumb

Monday was supposed to be my very first yoga class with my friend Kelly. My responsibility was printing off the directions. I forgot to bring the paper with me that told me where we needed to go but figured I could look it up online.

I searched for "Mount Carmel" and looked at what facility was in New Albany. It was the New Albany Surgical Hospital. I thought that was a little odd but figured they had some community room or something where they taught health and wellness classes. (It's hard to type with a cat sitting in your lap insisting you pet her.)

We were both running late, so ended up with 15 minutes to get across town in rush-hour traffic. We opted to use back roads and were doing fine until we found streets with no signs. That made it hard to find the right one! Thank goodness for cell phone GPS.

Finally we pull up to the New Albany Surgical Hospital and are struck with a sinking feeling that we're in the wrong place. Trotting into the super posh lobby (it is New Albany, after all) with our sweat pants and yoga mats, we ask the security guards where the yoga classes were. They stared at us and finally one says "Um we don't have yoga here."

At this point a cute doctor had stopped by the desk (probably wondering what kind of freaks wanted to do yoga in a hospital) and I was wishing a giant hole would open up in the ground so I could jump in. Finally, we managed to find out that the New Albany Health and Wellness Center was on High Street.

Of course, we don't have an address so we just set our GPS for High Street and headed for North High Street instead of the correct South High Street. (Did you even imagine we'd go the right way?) We finally show up to class 40 minutes late.

It takes us 5 minutes to figure out which room was ours. (Kelly said, "I keep hearing chimes" to which I explained "no that's just creepy yoga music." They were also burning incense. We pushed open the door and saw a lot of middle-aged butts in the downward dog position. (see, I know some yoga terminology!) Alas, there was no space for our mats.

Defeated, we left, but headed for a cute custard shop on North High Street. (Getting lost has its benefits.) And really, aren't we winners if we end up with sugarfree dulce de leche custard? I thought so!

And to My Left -- Gumby!

Tonight was step aerobics night. Once again, I was sweatier than any other human being on earth. I finally remembered to bring a bottle of water with me. Unfortunately, it was the bottle I'd left in my car all day so the water was hot. Very refreshing!

At the end of class, we have to stretch. I'm not the slightest bit flexible, so this is the worst part of class for me. I hate the move where you put your legs in a V in front of you. You're supposed to touch your head to the floor or touch your ankles with your hands or something dreadful like that. Basically, I sit up straight and kind of reach my hands out in front of me - that's it. That's physically all I can do and it looks like I'm doing nothing.

The instructor kept yelling, "Don't slack off - really try." I wanted to yell back, "I swear I'm moving. I really I look like a giant tortoise here" Luckily, my friend Kelly was to my right and she's about as flexible as I am so I didn't look like an arse alone.

To my left was a high school girl who must just have jello inside instead of bones. She was like a soft shell crab or something. I looked over and her legs are practically in a straddle, her entire face was on the floor and she wasn't even trying.

After class was over, she even complained to the instructor about how she couldn't get a good stretch. I wanted to slap her in the face and say "Just wait a few years, Missy. Then you'll find it a strain to touch your toes." But, that's a lie - I've never been able to touch my toes.

Kelly and I start yoga on Monday - yikes! We'll be the worst ones in class.

We Ain't Got No Rhythm!

This is a fantabulous opportunities for self-improvement.  I want to:

• lose the 5.2 lbs I need to get to goal
• get back on the exercise bandwagon
• spring clean my apartment
• cut my hair shorter
• go to Japan
• sign up for some sort of lesson

Tonight, I kicked off my 'Better Myself Boot Camp' with the BodyJam class at my gym. I was completely lured in by the description:

Some of the world's top dance choreographers update BODYJAM® every three months to guarantee a funky blend of cardiovascular fitness and urban culture. A great way to get the maximum fun out of your workout, as you move into shape to the sounds of modern dance music.

I was ready to shake my groove thang. Sadly, I forgot where I live: Lewis Center, Ohio. We aren't particularly well known for our rhythm or our groove thangs. We're super nice, yes. Fond of SUVs, yes. Overly blonde, yes. Dancing - it's just not our thing.

This was a dance party with Urkel, Screech and Violet Bickerstaff as the star guests. Trust me, I'm including myself in the mix. I've never seen such a lack of coordination in my entire life. We were dreadful. When I saw some guy who looked like my dad trying to do some squat-spin-jump-thing while moving his arms up his body in a Britney Spears dance troupe kind of way, I wanted to snort. I finally gave up and just hopped around, shaking my arms like some clueless bunny hopper on Nerd Island's Spring Break.

It was fun and I burned 584 calories - but yowza, I hope no one was paying attention to my appalling moves.