I May Have to Quit Bellydancing

I'm a terrible bellydancer. Beyond terrible actually. Sure, I look insanely cute in my costume and I enjoy performing. I even like class most of the time. But, I've missed so many rehearsals lately, I don't think I'll ever catch up. We reviewed the last three routines we've learned and I screwed up all of them. I think I've missed 10 classes in the last three months.

To be honest, I'm not all that motivated to get better. I don't have time during the week to drive 20 minutes each way to audit classes. I'd rather spend my time at home watching Paradise Hotel 2 marathons or reading a book. This just a fun thing for me to do in my free time (kind of like this blog.) It's not something I obsess over.

The girls in my class obsess. While I'm bouncing around shaking my hips, chatting with the other slacker girls and doing a gazillion torso rolls because I like the way they look, the bellydancing superfreaks are taking pages and pages of notes. They actually count out all the moves and remember they have to do a half moon on beat 3 and a double hip walk on beat 5.

Here's the thing - I was a music major in college. You'd think I'd be a counting fiend. Yeah right. I never count and never have counted. When I played trumpet, I focused on fitting my part with the music. To me, it was like telling a story, but I used my trumpet instead. I'd hear the parts in my head and play them. I wasn't perfect technically, but I always gave very musical performances.

I don't count when I dance either. I feel how my body is supposed to move with the music and go from there. Although I move well with the music, I have horrible technique. I have a bad habit of adding frills - random shimmies, pelvic tucks and swoopy arm things.

I just don't know if I can give up bellydancing. It's one of my more fun activities - I just wish I were better. But if I'm not going to put in the work, I really can't complain!

If I End Up On YouTube...

Yesterday's ComFest performance was a big, fat mess. When we pulled up in the RV O'Bellydancers, it immediately started pouring. Finally, it let up enough that we could walk to our tent - sadly, the park was a giant mud ball. We got there 15 minutes before our performance and find out they're 25 minutes behind. The woman on stage decided she didn't need to be finished even though her time was up. She announced: "I'm running long and I don't care. F*** it - let's have some fun." I'm all for having fun, but when there are 15 groups after you, it's nice to be considerate.

When we finally got on stage, it was a mess. All kinds of sound equipment and pieces of hay were thrown around. We didn't have stairs so we heaved ourselves on and off the stage, landing in a muddy hay pile. The CD player didn't work so we were delayed 5 more minutes while someone found a boombox.

Put Down the Video Camera

After the show, I was trying to find my real shoes so I could take off ,ydancing slippers. On my way, I slid into in the mud and ended up with an inch of mud and grass glued to my slippers. They are now in the trash.

I was accosted by a mountain man with a full beard and glasses, wearing shorts and a tie-dyed shirt. He asked me what group I was with and if he could take a picture of me. My "creep alert" went off so I grabbed one of the girls to be in the picture with me. However, she was unaware of the 'be careful of perverts' rules. I covered my chest with a piece of cardboard and she pulled it down, saying, "He wants to see the goods." I'll admit to showing the goods on stage, but I'll be damned if I let some random dude take a photo of them for his private collection. I ended up covering the girls with my veil and tambourine.

The photo took a really long time and I noticed he was focusing on my bosom. Finally, he admits it was a movie camera. He was taking a video of us! Then he wanted me to talk on camera. I just walked away. If it were my friends, I'd be happy to be taped, but I don't want some stranger to have a video of me. Now I'm worried about what he's going to do with it.

After I got my shoes, I apologized to the girl who got in the picture (excuse me, the soft porn video) with me because she got stuck talking to him for a few minutes (She's a dancer, but was helping us with our equipment in the show.) She said, "He liked you a lot. He was watching you the whole show. You should have talked to him more. Sure, he looked like a Ben & Jerry's drop-out, but you never know."

Ick. The day I'm desperate enough to go out with a mountain man in his late 40s who was video taping my boobs is the day I'm entering a nunnery.

Today's the Day I've Got to Shake It!

I'm a little nervous about my Comfest show later today. I'm a bit rusty - I've only been able to attend one of my regular classes in the past month. Plus, we've had a whopping two rehearsals for this show - and never with every single person there. Eek!

Although, I have to say - my back bends have never looked better. Yoga has made me a little more flexible - I can almost touch my heels, instead of just my mid-calves! Last night at the party, Kelly announced that she could finally touch her toes and everyone stared at her like she was an idiot. We had to do a public demonstration of our extremely tight hamstrings. Thanks to the Sneaky Petes, I didn't mind!

I'm also the teeniest bit afraid that one of the guys I'm going out with will figure out where my performance is and show up. (I know dating multiple people at a time makes me seem like a hoochie mama - but I've only gone out with these guys a couple of times. I don't want to focus on just one person until I'm 100% sure it's the right thing to do.) Anyway, these guys are (naturally) very interested in seeing my show so I've had to lie about where my performance is. Although, if they put a little effort into it, I'm sure they could figure it out.

I will never EVER invite another guy I'm dating to see me perform - even if we're engaged. In fact, even if we're married. I think it's a jinx. I've invited a few guys to previous shows and we've always broken up a week or so before the show happens. The one guy who actually came to one ran away after 5 minutes of the show and I basically never heard from him again. I'm telling you - it's bad luck, kind of like that tiki statue on the Brady Bunch goes to Hawaii episode.

Wish me luck and loose hips for lots of shimmying!

I'm Officially a Crabapple

I'm feeling incredibly crabby right now. It's mostly because between the travel and my hobbies and my friends and my dates, I make it home to sleep every night and that's about it. My cats miss me so they're becoming holy terrors when I'm around. I don't have any food or beverages in my fridge. It's becoming a bit ridiculous. I feel like a bachelor.

I just have a hard time saying no so end up with way too much to do. Plus, I feel like I should do everything perfectly, which doesn't work out for me. Eventually, I scream at someone or start crying and make a giant arse of myself.

Case in point, yesterday I had yoga after work (which is NOT making me more zen-like). I ended up going straight from yoga to bellydancing . No time to pee or even eat. When I got to rehearsal, I was 20 minutes late and they hadn't even started. I was one of 3 people. I really wanted to practice Greek because that's my weakest number. Of the three of us there, we all do something different in that number. I need to see someone else doing the same thing as me or I panic and think something is wrong.

Finally, I just quit and walked off the dance floor. The other dancer said "Do you want to talk through the steps?" (Like I'm a beginner or something.) I end up being a complete brat, announce that had I known no one was coming I wouldn't have driven all the way down there and that it's not helpful to practice with three people doing three different things. Some newbie dancer was there and asked me if I had the steps written down because that helps her. I gave her a chilly smile and said I'd be fine. (I've done about 8 shows, after all!) After that, I just packed up my stuff and went home, where I drank wine out of the bottle.

Tonight, I had three hours of rehearsal. I got in trouble because apparently the white skirt I've been using isn't acceptable. Now I have to borrow some kiss-up's beige skirt. I hate beige. It makes me feel like this Laura W. girl I went to college with. (the flute player - remember her?)

I was so annoyed, I got a Thin Mint Blizzard from Dairy Queen and headed home to watch a Torchwood episode. I checked out the DVDs from the library and it's an AWESOME show. I give it rave reviews - and have a bit of a crush on Captain Jack.

I'm So Over Bossy Bellydancing Bitches!

I'm dancing at Comfest next Sunday. Every time I start prepping for a show, I remember I can't stand the women I dance with. There's just so much drama.

Let's get this straight. I am not a professional bellydancer. I have no interest in being a professional bellydancer. I have a busy job and do about a gazillion other things besides dancing. All I want is to put on some fake hair, fake eyelashes, a pound of makeup, a hoochie mama outfit and shake my butt on stage a few times a year.

I know over a dozen routines. Some I haven't performed since last summer. Most I haven't rehearsed since March. I'm going to be a little rusty on these numbers. Deal with it.

"Mirror, Mirror On The Wall. Who's the Most Fabulous Bellydancer of All?"

There's an incredible dancer in the show who has been dancing for decades and who can do things with her stomach I can't even describe. Her hair comes down to her butt and she wears low-cut shirts with a push-up bra. She spends most of rehearsal spinning around, tossing her hair and pouting in the mirror. She can pull it off - she's an award-winning dancer and a very attractive 40-something woman.

In this show, we have the group of teachers, who are obviously exceptional, and the group of advanced dancers (my group - yes, I'm considered advanced.) Pouty-lipped hair tosser kept staring at my group when we were dancing like we were big piles of dog poo that happened to get stuck on her shoes. She kept shouting the moves to me. I wanted to say, "Listen here Rapunzel - I know the damn moves. I just need to run through them once." To add to my annoyance, one of the girls a couple classes behind me says, "Oh - you only finished Shaba? I thought you were way ahead of me, but you're not." I wanted to smack her too. (I'm feeling violent today.)

Nervous? Moi?

I'm a little nervous about this show - mainly because we only get two rehearsals and we're doing Greek, one of my least favorite numbers. (It's long and the moves don't go with the music.) I signed up because I thought Comfest would be a relaxing crowd - plus, there are so many topless women walking around, who's going to look at me?

Days 4 & 5 Vegetarian: Still going strong - I've eaten tons of fruits and veggies this weekend. I made pasta with zucchini and fresh tomatoes and for breakfast this morning, I had eggbeaters scrambled with zucchini and a little goat cheese. Yum!

Get Those Butt-Cheeks A-Movin'

Last night, I tried yet another of Suhaila Salimpour's bellydance DVDs - it was the Bellydance Yoga Fusion installment. Holy crap!

It's been over a year since I've done one of her DVDs, and I forgot all about Suhaila's signature move. Basically, you sit on the floor in a straddle (yeah right) and lift one butt-cheek at a time. After you get that down pat(ha!), you speed it up.

The first problem is the straddle - no part of my body can do that. Also, the butt-cheek isolations are a bit too much for me and I've been bellydancing for over three years.

Click here to see Suhaila do the butt-cheek thing on Ellen Degeneres' show. It's hilarious! Ellen's reaction is very similar to my own.

Suhaila also does these "undulations" in the video, which are very similar to stomach rolls. She did about 50 in a row - moving the stomach up and down then down and up. I ended up collapsing in a heap and I'm actually pretty good at stomach rolls.

The last time I did a Suhaila video, I was with Shannon and her two daughters. 5-year-old Reaghan (I might be spelling that wrong...I have trouble spelling that one!) burst into tears and said "That makes my tummy hurt." Let me tell you, I felt exactly the same way last night!