Bring on the Bones!

No, not the Olsen twins. I'm talking steak, salmon, hamburgers, hot dogs, lamb. Yep, I'm already giving up on being a vegetarian. (I realize that makes me the most weak-willed woman ever. So sue me.)

I dropped my friend Kelly off after yoga and her neighbor was grilling hamburgers. As soon as I smelled the sizzling beef, I wanted nothing more in this world than a big, fat, juicy hamburger. I couldn't think of anything else on my drive home and decided there's technically no reason for me to be vegetarian for 30 days. It's just an empty gimmick like the giving Americans a vacation from the gas tax thing. I'm not really accomplishing anything by being vegetarian. If I really wanted to challenge myself to eat healthier, I'd cut out ice cream or sweets. (That's crazy talk! Give up ice cream?)

It's summer time - I enjoy hamburgers, chicken and fish and want to eat them without stress. I want to go to barbecues and not eat soy patties. You only live once! I might as well rip as much flesh from the bones as possible.

With that said, there's something to be said about eating vegetarian. It helps me better appreciate the flavor of vegetables. Maybe I'll try to eat three vegetarian meals a week - that'll help me eat healthier, but not deprive myself.

P.S. The burger was GOOD!

I'm So Over Bossy Bellydancing Bitches!

I'm dancing at Comfest next Sunday. Every time I start prepping for a show, I remember I can't stand the women I dance with. There's just so much drama.

Let's get this straight. I am not a professional bellydancer. I have no interest in being a professional bellydancer. I have a busy job and do about a gazillion other things besides dancing. All I want is to put on some fake hair, fake eyelashes, a pound of makeup, a hoochie mama outfit and shake my butt on stage a few times a year.

I know over a dozen routines. Some I haven't performed since last summer. Most I haven't rehearsed since March. I'm going to be a little rusty on these numbers. Deal with it.

"Mirror, Mirror On The Wall. Who's the Most Fabulous Bellydancer of All?"

There's an incredible dancer in the show who has been dancing for decades and who can do things with her stomach I can't even describe. Her hair comes down to her butt and she wears low-cut shirts with a push-up bra. She spends most of rehearsal spinning around, tossing her hair and pouting in the mirror. She can pull it off - she's an award-winning dancer and a very attractive 40-something woman.

In this show, we have the group of teachers, who are obviously exceptional, and the group of advanced dancers (my group - yes, I'm considered advanced.) Pouty-lipped hair tosser kept staring at my group when we were dancing like we were big piles of dog poo that happened to get stuck on her shoes. She kept shouting the moves to me. I wanted to say, "Listen here Rapunzel - I know the damn moves. I just need to run through them once." To add to my annoyance, one of the girls a couple classes behind me says, "Oh - you only finished Shaba? I thought you were way ahead of me, but you're not." I wanted to smack her too. (I'm feeling violent today.)

Nervous? Moi?

I'm a little nervous about this show - mainly because we only get two rehearsals and we're doing Greek, one of my least favorite numbers. (It's long and the moves don't go with the music.) I signed up because I thought Comfest would be a relaxing crowd - plus, there are so many topless women walking around, who's going to look at me?

Days 4 & 5 Vegetarian: Still going strong - I've eaten tons of fruits and veggies this weekend. I made pasta with zucchini and fresh tomatoes and for breakfast this morning, I had eggbeaters scrambled with zucchini and a little goat cheese. Yum!

I Need to Move

I've already written about how my neighbors stole the dirt out of the flowerpot I had sitting outside my door.

This morning, I opened my door to find my neighbor's ugly looking up at me. Yeppers, the oh-so-mature college students who live caddy corner to me decided to do the old switcheroo with everyone's doormats. I realize that pranks are part of being young and drunk, but I moved out of the dorm 10 years ago. If I wake up and find myself toilet-papered in, I'm moving into my car.

Ugh.

Day 2 of Being a Vegetarian: I've already cheated! I went out with some ladies for my friend's birthday (we had cocktails...which might be why I'm having trouble typing.) I was enraptured by one gal's story about how she Nairs her boyfriend's back twice a year. Before I knew it, I'd eaten 3 pieces of calamari. I forgot I wasn't supposed to eat meat! Although it was just the tentacles (or the testicles, as one of the girls called it.) Does that even count?

Not to Be Vegan!

I've decided it'd be too hard to go gluten-free, sugar-free, alcohol-free, dairy-free AND meat-free all at once. Instead, I've decided to be vegetarian for the next 30 days. I've been eating like complete crap lately. This will force me to pay more attention to what I'm nibbling.

I'm also going to try to limit sugar and alcohol. (Although I have a lot of festivals and parties coming up ...and I'm pretty sure deep-fried Twinkies are vegetarian.)

Day 1: I just feel super hungry today, so I must not be eating enough protein. I ate lunch at The Noodle Company and have decided they're prejudiced against vegetarians. (In my 8 hours as a vegetarian, I recognize these things.)

I usually order the Trio - a smallish side salad and smallish order of pasta with some type of meat for $7.25. Obviously, I didn't want the meat and I don't like tofu, so I wanted extra vegetables or just no meat. The cashier informed me that I couldn't even order the Trio unless I ordered meat or tofu.

Instead, I had to order everything a la carte - the portions were too big and it was $7.50. I know it's only a quarter difference, but I hate being told I can't do something unless there's a valid reason why I can't. (It's truly my most terrible trait - gets me in a lot of trouble. Max, are you like that too? Maybe it's a Sept. 1 thing.)

If I don't want tofu or meat, I should still be able to order what I want. Just charge me the regular price and don't include the meat. What ever happened to customer service?