Speaking of Sad Has-Beens From My Youth

I just learned old-time girl group Expose is getting back together for a reunion tour. They were big in the late 80s, early 90s - right about the time I was blossoming into womanhood.


I can only hope they kept the same hair-dos. And that they won't be subjecting us to any new music whatsoever.


What would especially rock is if they opened for NKOTB! (Please let them open for NKOTB....or let it be Tiffany! That would make the nose-bleed tickets worth $38!)

Click here to see Expose's Let Me Be the One video. Ah...those were the days! It makes me want to put on my legwarmers and hop around like the Pointer Sisters. (Although I was in elementary school in the 80s and I was fat so I didn't really do that all too much.)

Fact#2: Why Barack Obama Will Make a Great President

Barack Obama believes that the arts should be a central part of effective teaching and learning. (That one's for my fellow music major pals.)

Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh (Sung a la 'The Right Stuff')

I'm sure by now you've all heard New Kids on the Block's smokin' hot (*cough, *cough) single, Summertime. If you haven't, you should find someway to listen to it, because it's craptacular!

The Kids are apparently getting ready to release a brand-new single, aptly titled Single. (No - they weren't being ironic - apparently, they just really want to be some poor chick's boyfriend because they repeat that line about 12 times in the 1-minute clip I heard.) Even better - they teamed up with Ne-Yo to add some edge. Click here for a listen.

I do agree that the Kids are pretty edgy. When I saw them in Pittsburgh on their Christmas album tour, (I was 13, wearing acid-washed overalls with the biggest bangs you've ever seen. I may even have left one strap dangling. Hotness!) I remember they knocked over a Christmas tree on stage like the thugs they are!

All I can say is I hope the Kids don't just sing a bunch of this crap from their new album, The Block. If I'm shelling out $38 for dreadful seats, I want to hear some Stop It Girl, Please Don't Go Girl AND Step By Step (currently the ringtone on my phone, replacing Baby Got Back, which was slightly embarrassing when my phone rang at work.)

In fact, I may even want to hear that hilarious song on their first album where they announced their astrological signs..."Hi I'm Danny, I'm a Taurus." I think it was called I Wanna Be Loved By You. (Who am I kidding?"I think" my ass... I KNOW that's what it was called.)

I Have A Problem

Here's the video that launched a life-long fascination with crappy music. For years I thought he was saying "Beat Tridelphia" (our rival junior high school) instead of "Beachfront Avenue." Yes, I thought this song was tailor-made for our girls' basketball games. and yes, I was in the Talented & Gifted program...

Eeek! They've Turned Strawberry Shortcake Into a Bratz Doll

When I was 5, I had a pimped-out Strawberry Shortcake room. Plus, I had all the dolls. (Although sadly, Lemon Meringue with her yellow boing-boing curls never smelled the same after I dropped her on the bus.) I even had one of those large soft Strawberry Shortcake dolls that blew strawberry kisses.

Of course, MY Strawberry Shortcake was wholesome and sweet - like the picture to the right! She was very Little House on the Prairie-esque - the perfect toy for a 5-year-old girl.

Meet the new Strawberry Shortcake. Like the Wakefield twins, she's gotten an unnecessary makeover to turn her into a strawberry-scented Bratz doll.

I actually think this makeover happened awhile ago and I'm just now finding out about it. In my day-to-day life, I have very little reason to even think about Strawberry Shortcake dolls. But now that I've seen it, I'm definitely thinking about it. I wish they would've left her alone.

They've turned Holly Hobbie into a hooch too. (Click here for a picture.) No more gingham for her! Say hello to tasseled bras. (Oh wait, that's me!)

Actually, it seems the sexed-up Holly is Hollie Hobbie's great granddaughter. (Click here to see.) What's weird is the original Holly Hobbie was a little girl when I was a little girl. I guess I could be a great grandmother if I had been knocked up at 10 and my daughter was knocked up at 10 and my daughter's daughter was knocked up at 10. Yep, pretty unlikely!

"Look Ma! I Caught a Fraggle!"

I'm absolutely thrilled they're making a movie-musical version of Fraggle Rock. It's about time someone brings back the Fraggles: Gobo the fearless leader, Wembley's surfer dude antics, Mokey's dippy hippie attitude, Boober's incessant grouchiness (although I was always embarrassed to say Boober as a child), and Red's outrageous feistiness!

And of course, who doesn't love the infamous Trash Heap? They need more shows like this on TV! Parents never had to explain to kids why Mokey got knocked up. Boober never fretted that girl Fraggles didn't like him. Wembley never cyber-bullied Red. It was a simpler time!

My Dreams Have Finally Come True!

This is the most terrible thing I've ever seen - and also the most fabulous! New Kids on the Block is going to be touring again - I'm so going to stalk them this fall. Although I hope they get a little more practice first! Yikes...

NKOTB was my very first concert - I was 13 and wore a black shirt with acid-washed denim overalls. Hotness! I also poofed my bangs extra-high for the occasion. My mom drove me and two of my giggling girlfriends to Pittsburgh for the show. (We also took my older cousin and his girlfriend - they made out the whole time, which creeped us all out.) I bought a T-shirt, which I still have somewhere. I'm going to have to dig that out before the show this fall! And maybe my big Jordan pin...

Say What?

I recently finished Secrets, #2 in the Sweet Valley High series -- a torrid story of lies and betrayal.

Evil twin Jessica was willing to bulldoze over anyone to be queen of the fall dance - she was even willing to betray pure and wholesome twin Liz's best friend Enid. Enid's been keeping secrets from her boyfriend Ronnie - and he wasn't too happy to find them out. Scandalous!

Here's the best passage ever:

'Hey,' [Todd] said, 'you don't look too happy for someone who's going to the dance tonight with the most fantastic guy on the West Coast.'

[Liz] forced a weak smile. 'Burt Reynolds is taking me to the dance?'

Burt Reynolds? Was he ever a high school girl's dream crush? For as long as I can remember, he's been older than dirt.

I wonder if that sentence will be updated in the new 2008 version. Maybe Burt will be replaced with Zac Effron or one of those Gossip Girl boys or whoever the young'uns are panting over these days.

Actually, I don't know who the equivalent would be. The "hot" boys seem kind of girly to me nowadays. I think Zac Effron uses more hair product than me.

What Rock Have I Been Living Under?

Yesterday I was watching the 100 Top Teen Stars on VH1. (Yes, I realize that's very sad.)

Apparently Chad Allen came out of the closet a few years ago. I was up on the out-of-the-closet ventures of Lance Bass, Neil Patrick Harris and that annoying kid from Who's The Boss. Chad Allen - no clue!

You might be asking yourself, "Who is Chad Allen?" He was one of the pin-up staples of Bop, Teen Beat and 16. He was the boyfriend on My Two Dads - one of my favorite shows - and I think he was on Our House too.

I was more of a Kirk Cameron, Corey Haim and New Kids on the Block girl, so Chad Allen never graced my walls. But I remember being very disappointed when I met a kid at my high school named Chad Allen and he looked nothing like the pin-up boy. Oh well...I'm sure there are plenty of Eljabos I look nothing like...

Size 6? You Heifer!

As a youngster, I was quite fond of Sweet Valley High books. In the 5th grade, I read them in my bathroom so my mom wouldn't catch me. (Although if one of the worst things I did was sneak the innocuous Sweet Valley High books, my parents had very little to complain about.)

For those who don't know, Jessica and Elizabeth (Liz) Wakefield were beautiful blonde twin sisters from California. Jessica was the wild, slutty one (although the books were relatively chaste, if I remember correctly) and Liz was the responsible, bookish one with the steady boyfriend.

Jessica the harlot is featured on this scandalous 'All Night Long' cover - not sure why she's with Tom Selleck. This was the book where she went out with a college guy - and I believe it was one of my favorites.

Sweet Valley High (or SVH as I like to call it) is being re-released for the masses. They've updated the series to make it more modern. I'm not a fan. Click here for the complete scoop. By the way, the 'Double Love' cover below is the revamped version.

Here's my beef: the twins were always 'the perfect size 6,' which was unattainable to my (at-the-time) not-so-perfect size 14 self.

Apparently size 6 is obese by modern standards. The Wakefield twins are now a 'perfect size 4,' which means even at my smallest, I will never, ever catch up to that Wakefield perfection.

Would modern teen readers even notice? "Oh - they're size 6? What cows! This book must be from the 80s. I think my mom read it when she was little. Where's the latest Gossip Girl?"

Want more awesomeness, click here for the opening credits of Sweet Valley High the TV series, which my roommates and I watched religiously my freshman year of college.

OK - your turn. What was your fondest SVH memory? Am I the only one who read this trash?

Saturday Morning Cartoons Part 3

Here's Part 3 in my retrospective of Saturday morning cartoons. I was OBSESSED with The Littles when I was a kid. I loved how they used everyday objects as furniture - a thimble was a chair, a toothpick was a walking stick, a button was a dinner plate. I may be mis-remembering the specifics, but you get the idea.

I'd scour the great outdoors and my house for objects 'The Littles' might want to use. (No, I didn't think there actually were Littles - I just liked to come up with my own stuff.) Then I'd spend hours coming up with elaborate stories about what The Littles would do with these objects.

This might be why none of the kids wanted to play with me in elementary school - and why I decided I wanted to be a writer when I grew up. Although I haven't really done anything with that yet, except write boring articles about ATMs. Maybe someday...

Saturday Morning Cartoons Part 2

I've decided that I really enjoy remembering my favorite childhood cartoons on Saturday mornings. It's looking back on a simpler time -- the 80s! It was before computers and technology even existed. In fact, we were practically using the abacus to do math.

Here's one of my old faves - although I'm not sure why. It's actually kind of scary.